Welcome to Open Sky Webinar

1. Welcome to Open Sky Webinar We will begin at 6pm- See you soon!

2. Sexual Orientation: How it Impacts Relationships and Self-love Presented by Micah Hammond, Clinical Intern and Family Services Counselor

3. Agenda • Understanding the latest terminology • How sexual orientation impacts relationships • Understanding the ‘coming out’ process • Common parental experiences • Gender roles & expectations • How sexual orientation impacts self-love • What your child may experience • Finding belonging and self-acceptance • Support at Open Sky • Resources • Ten tips for parents

5. LGBTQIA • Lesbian: A female-identified person who is attracted to other female-identified people. • Gay: A male-identified person who is attracted to other male-identified people. • Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both male- and female-identified people. • Transgender: An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. • Questioning: A person who is actively questioning gender identity or sexual orientation. May also refer to a person who does not want to pick a label. • Queer: A derogatory term that has been reclaimed by some people as an affirmative umbrella term. Can also be used to declare political perspectives and self identification that transcends binary ideas about gender and sexuality. • Intersex: Someone whose physical sex characteristics are not categorized as exclusively male or exclusively female. • Asexual: A person who is not attracted to anyone, or a person who does not have a sexual orientation.

6. Derogatory Terms fairy fag/faggot sodomite homo queer dyke Slang to Avoid: Problematic • homosexual • homosexual relationship • homosexual sex • sexual preference* Preferred • gay, gay man, or lesbian • relationship • sex • sexual orientation or orientation *The term “sexual preference” may suggest that being lesbian, gay or bisexual is a choice and therefore can be “cured.” (GLAAD, 2010)

7. The Coming Out Process: Developmental Models of Sexual Orientation • Troiden (1970) • Scrivner (1984) • Sensitization • Gender confusion, feeling different, inner conflict expressed behaviorally, i.e. suicide • Identity Confusion • Identify their feelings and behaviors as gay, but still think they are heterosexual • Identity Assumption • Identify as gay, positive validation • Commitment • Adopting being gay as a way of life, self-acceptance • Identity Tolerance • Beginning commitment to idea of being gay • Identity Acceptance • Increase in contact with gay community, confront internalized negative values • First Relationships • Learning how to function in same-sex relationship • Identity Commitment and Pride • Increased pride, devalue heterosexual world to show commitment to new identity • Identity Synthesis • Self-acceptance, ‘us v. them’ mentality changes, see sexual orientation as just one facet of identity

8. D’Augelli (1994): “Life Span” Model of Sexual Orientation Development 6 “identity processes” that operate independently and are not ordered in stages: • Exiting heterosexuality • Developing a personal LGB identity • Developing an LGB social identity • Becoming an LGB offspring • Coming out to family • Developing an LGB intimacy status • Entering an LGB community

9. Common Parental Experiences • Guilt and shame are common emotions because societal messages say that parents are to blame • It is normal to worry about bullying or discrimination and want to protect you child • Grief/changing expectations of your child’s future • Parents must go through their own identity shift as parents of an LGB youth

10. Gender Roles & Expectations • Gender variant behavior is often seen around age 2 or 3 before children understand societal norms of masculinity and femininity • Not to be confused with transgender children expressing a desire to be the opposite gender • What are the gender roles in your home? • What are your expectations for how your son or daughter expresses themselves?

11. What Your Child May Experience • Internalized oppression • Family rejection • Depression/anxiety • Suicidal tendencies/ self-harm • Substance abuse • Limited access to health care

12. Family Rejection • Higher rates of family rejection are significantly correlated with poor health outcomes • LGB Young Adults with High Levels of Family Rejection are: • 8.4x more likely to report attempted suicide • 5.9x more likely to report high levels of depression • 3.4x more likely to use illegal drugs • 3.4x more likely to engage in unprotected sex As compared to families of peers with low level rejection. (Ryan, Huebner, Diaz & Sanchez, 2009)

13. Suicidality • Suicide Risk Factors include: • Social and SchoolEnvironment • Family Support • Exposure to Internet Suicide Sites • Substance Abuse • Suicidal History in Family • Physical & Verbal Abuse • LGB youth are 2-3 times more likely to attempt suicide than their non-LGB peers • LGB Youth represent 30% of youth suicide deaths • Suicide is the leading cause of death for LGB youth (GLSN, 2005)

14. Finding Belonging and Self-Acceptance Gay and lesbian youth take tremendous risks by being open about who they are. You have to respect their courage. • Peer groups • Role models • Community resources

15. Support at Open Sky • For students • Groups • Loving-kindness meditation • For staff • Awareness & inclusivity training

16. Resources • Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG): www.community.pflag.org • Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Inc. (GLAAD): www.glaad.org • Youth Pride Inc.: www.youthprideri.org • A list of helpful books can be found here: www.bidstrup.com/parbiblio.htm

17. Ten Tips for Parents • Engage with your child • Learn the language and terminology • Get to know the community • Explore the internet • Learn more about support groups for parents • Don’t make it allthere is to your child • Ask your child before you ‘come out’ to others • Praise your child for talking with you • Find out what kind of support, services, and education are in place in your child’s school • Learn about state and national laws regarding LGBT issues (Maurer, 2012)

18. References • Bilodeau, B. L. & Renn, K. A. (2005) Analysis of LGBT Identity Development Models and Implications for Practice. New Directions For Student Services, (111). Wiley Periodicals, Inc. • Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Inc. (2010). GLAAD Media Reference Guide (8th ed.). New York • GLSEN. (2005). From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, A Survey of Students and Teachers. New York, NY: GLSEN • Maurer, L. (2012). Ten Tips For Parents of a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender Child. Advocates for Youth. Retrieved at http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/parents/173-parents • Ryan C, Huebner D, Diaz RM, Sanchez J. (2009) Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults. Pediatrics;123:346–352. • Scrivner, R. W. (1984). A model for the development of lesbian and gay identities. Paper presented at the 42nd Annual Conference of the AAMFT. San Francisco, CA. • Troiden, R. R. (1988). Homosexual Identity Development. Journal of Adolescent Health Care, 9, 105–113.

19. Thank you for participating! Please keep this browser window open. When the presentation is complete, it will take you to a short survey for today’s webinar. Micah Hammond micah.siobhan@gmail.com970.382.8181 www.openskywilderness.com