DEALING WITH CONFLICT

1. DEALING WITH CONFLICT BITING: Why, and What can you do?

2. Objectives • Define conflict • Discuss and understand why conflicts occur in the classroom • Understand the common causes of conflict between children • Identify our role as childcare providers in conflicts between children

3. Objectives • Recognize the valuable social aspects of conflict • Understand the different ways children may approach conflict, including biting • Identify the reasons children may bite, what they mean, and how to handle them • Understand what strategies are not affective in handling biting

4. ICEbreaker

5. So, What does conflict look like? • What causes conflict between two children? • How do they respond to conflict? “Conflict is defined as protesting, resisting, or retaliating against another child.” –Hay & Ross (1982) as cited by Wittmer (2008)

6. Why do conflicts arise? • Children are ill equipped to handle certain situations. • What can we do to change that?

7. Activity • Partner up. • Each of you will have a card labeled with an emotion. • Express these feelings to one another without using words. • How does this relate to conflict between children?

8. Take the time to understand. • Take a moment to closely observe what is happening between two children. • Give the children a chance to work it out on their own. • Take on the role of facilitator.

9. Toddlers tussle over… • Territory • Object possession • Resistance to others playing with them • Controlling play content

10. Toddlers tussle over… • Access to toys • Resistance to other children’s aggression • Ego testing • Dominance

11. Case study • You are in your classroom attending to many children’s needs at once, when you see Johnny yanking a toy train from Sara. You rush over to get a closer look and hear Sara say, “Give me that, it’s mine!” Johnny clings tightly to the toy, refusing to give it back.

12. Is conflict all bad? • What is the upside? • Children exercise valuable social skills when resolving conflict in a healthy way.

13. Conflicts are Relational. • Children’s interactions with one another are based on interactions that have taken place between them in the past.

14. Conflicts are situational. • A child’s response to conflict is very much affected by the context of the situation.

15. Children’s strategies • Younger children may try to get their way using a simple, “No!” • Older children are more likely to appropriately justify their case if they have had an opportunity to learn these behaviors. • Boys vs. Girls

16. BITING • It’s fairly common! • Do not think of or refer to child as a “biter.” • “Children bite in order to cope with a challenge or fulfill a need.” • –ZERO TO THREE (2012)

17. Identifying the cause • What was the last thing that happened? • Who was the child with? • Is the child biting the same or different children each time? • Where is the biting happening? • What is the child doing?

18. Responding: general rules • Focus on staying calm. A biting child can cause a mix of emotions—step back and take a deep breath before you respond. • Respond firmly, simply, and clearly; not angrily. • Shift attention to child who was bitten immediately.

19. Responding: general rules (Cont.) • Remind the child who has bitten of alternative strategies. • Help the children move into a new activity.

20. Responding: lacking language • Show the child how to express whatever they were trying to communicate using words, “You can say, that is too loud. I do not like it.” • Offer ways to express feelings that do not necessarily involve language (i.e. art, exercise). • Always reinforce appropriate behavior. For instance, “You did a great job asking for your turn with that book.”

21. responding: sensory overload • Keep TV, radio, and other sound devices turned off or at a low volume. • Avoid crowds and busy settings. • Pay close attention to when you schedule activities that require a lot of sensory input. • Give a nice, firm hug. • Keep a designated calm area for comfort.

22. responding: experimenting • Remember to be firm and to give your attention to the child who was bitten. • Explain to the child what they have done.

23. responding: need for active play • Set aside more time for being active. Never punish by taking away playground time. • Be sure to talk with other caregivers to develop ways of integrating active time throughout the day.

24. responding: Over-tired • Work with parents to get child to bed earlier. • Get him/her on a napping schedule, or at least have designated resting times. • Be aware of times when she is overly tired and plan accordingly. • Work with other caregivers, letting one another know if the child is well rested.

25. responding: need for oral stimulation • Offer crunchy, healthy snacks throughout the day.

26. What they may be trying to say: • I’m angry! • You’re too close. • I’m excited! • I want to play! • My senses are overwhelmed.

27. How to prevent biting • Distract the child • Suggest alternative ways to handle situation • Intervene with a way to share (i.e. kitchen timer) • Sharing = one of the most common triggers

28. What not to do • Shame • Harsh punishment • Biting back

30. Sources • ZERO TO THREE. Why do toddlers bite? Finding the right response. In Behavior and development (challenging behavior). Retrieved from http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/chew-on-this-resources-on-biting.html • Wittmer, Donna S. (2008). Of course, there are conflicts—and then there is biting. Focusing on peers: The importance of relationships in the early years. Washington, DC: ZERO TO THREE. • Adapted from presentation by Carley Travis