Dealing with Conflict An introduction

Dealing with ConflictAn introduction

3:00-4:00 • Introduction • 4 conflict management skills • 4:00-4:15 Break • 4:15-5:15 • 4 conflict management skills (continued) • Preparation for role plays • 5:15-5:30 Energizer • 5:30-6:30 • Presentations of role plays • Discussion and closing What we’ll be doing

A state of disagreement and disharmony A natural part of life Positive if handled well: destructive if handled poorly What is conflict?

Conflict = Violence =

Conflict can be Covert (hidden) or Overt (In the open) Her political views make me furious.

Albert Einstein Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

4 Conflict Management Skills 3. “I” statements 1. Listening Positions and interests 4. Facts and assumptions

Resolving conflicts can be hard work. • Preparation • Skills • Knowledge • Creativity • Coordination • Resolving conflicts can be rewarding work. Resolving Conflicts

Skill #1 ListeningWe are taught to read and write, but we are not taught to Listen.

Skill #1 Listening Paraphrasing In your own words • Restate what was said (the content) • So you’re saying that the new law should ………… Did I understand you correctly? • Identify the feeling • You sound upset about the way he treated you. Judging Explaining Defending Arguing Analyzing

Skill #1 Listening Paraphrasing Instructions for exercise • Listen as carefully as you can. You may want to take notes. • Restate what the person said (content). • “So you’re saying ……………… Did I understand you correctly?” • Identify the feeling of the speaker. • “You sound_________ about this. Is this correct?” Judging Explaining Defending Arguing Analyzing

Skill #2 Positions and Interests What we see or hear • Position • Demands • Interests • Needs • Values • Aspirations • Fears • Concerns What is hidden

Skill #3 “I "Statements How can you do that? You spread awful rumors about my brother. You’re a liar.

Skill #3 “I "Statements When I heard the rumors about my brother, I felt shocked and angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without checking if they were true.

To resolve conflicts, attack the problem (the situation, the behavior), not the person. Accusing people accelerates the conflict. The other person will defend him/her self. Attacking the problem often leads to resolving the conflict. “I” statements help you do this. Skill #3 “I "Statements

Skill #3 “I "Statements When I heard the rumors about my brother, I felt shocked and angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without checking if they were true. “I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________ 2. Feeling : I feel ________________________ 3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like ________________________.

Skill #3 “I "Statements Attacking the person: (You, you, you) You’re always telling me how to do things. You don’t ever let me try out my ideas. You don’t think I know anything. “I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________ 2. Feeling : I feel _____________________________ 3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like __________________.

Skill #3 “I "Statements Attacking the person: (You, you, you) You’re always telling me how to do things. Why don’t you listen to my ideas? You don’t think I know anything. “I” statement: 1. Observation: When I hear you telling me what to do 2. Feeling: I feel frustrated and devalued 3. Needs/Value/Interest:because I need to try out my ideas. 4. (Request) I would like __________________.

When people ignore your “I “message, or respond by defending themselves, by explaining, or trying to change your mind, avoid arguing andrespectfully become a “broken record!” of your interests. Skill #3 “I "Statements

Skill #4 Facts and Assumptions Conflict is often a result of our inability to recognize the difference between what we KNOW and what we ASSUME.

Dealing with Conflict An introduction