Dealing with Conflict on Teams

1. Dealing with Conflict on Teams SEND FER November 2006 meeting

2. Review – Building Trust • “Without trust there is no team. There is no effective service. There is no quality of life together. There is little blessing from God. Trust is the starting point for all healthy relationships, the fuel for team ministry, and the cornerstone of group effectiveness. When trust is breached and left unrepaired, relationships are destroyed and Christian witness diminished. Trust that is broken and left unresolved is the nastiest, most catastrophic, and most destructive force fighting against team effectiveness.” (Becoming a Healthy Team, p.53) • “Trust is the confidence among team members that their peers’ intentions are good and that there is no reason to be protective or careful around the group. In essence, team-mates must get comfortable being vulnerable with one another.” (Five Dysfunctions, p. 195)

3. Why do we often seek to avoid conflict? • To protect ourselves from being attacked (i.e. we do not trust our team members) • To avoid hurting feelings • To avoid having to say something is wrong or right (culture of tolerance) • To avoid having to expose our ignorance about our own position • To keep things as they are. Engaging in conflict might mean we have to change. • To keep peace, and not rock the boat. • To submit to authority

4. Should Christians ever argue? • Romans 12:18 - If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. • definition of “argue” • 1. exchange diverging or opposite views heatedly • 2. give reasons or cite evidence in support of something.

5. Verses that speak negatively about arguing • Prov 17:19 Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction. • Mark 9:33-34 They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, "What were you arguing about on the road?" But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. • 1Cor. 1:10 I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.

6. Verses that speak negatively about arguing (2) • Phil. 2:14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, • 2 Tim. 2:23-24 Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. • Titus 3:9-10 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. Warn divisive people once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.

7. But both Jesus and Paul engaged in debate • Mark 12:28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" • Acts 9:28-29 So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord. He talked and debated with the Hellenistic Jews, but they tried to kill him.

8. Conflicts in Acts 15 • Acts 15:1-2 - Certain individuals came down from Judea to Antioch and were teaching the believers: "Unless you are circumcised, according to the custom taught by Moses, you cannot be saved." This brought Paul and Barnabas into sharp dispute and debate with them. So Paul and Barnabas were appointed, along with some other believers, to go up to Jerusalem to see the apostles and elders about this question. • Acts 15:6-7 The apostles and elders met to consider this question. After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: • Acts 15:37-39 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.

9. Paul and Apollos used debate in evangelism • Acts 18:27-28 When he (Apollos) arrived, he was a great help to those who by grace had believed. For he vigorously refuted the Jews in public debate, proving from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Messiah. • Acts 19:8-9 Paul entered the synagogue and spoke boldly there for three months, arguing persuasively about the kingdom of God. But some of them became obstinate; they refused to believe and publicly maligned the Way. So Paul left them. He took the disciples with him and had discussions daily in the lecture hall of Tyrannus.

10. Paul did not avoid dealing with controversial issues • Gal 2:14 When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, "You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs? • 1 Cor. 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." • 1 Cor. 8:1 Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that "We all possess knowledge." But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. • 1Co 9:3-4 This is my defense to those who sit in judgment on me. Don't we have the right to food and drink? • 1 Cor. 12:1 Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed.

11. Is arguing always wrong? • Should we seek to avoid conflict when we disagree? • The goal is for the team to have one mind on important issues. But in order to get there, it seems that there is a legitimate role for argument and debate.

12. Can heated arguments ever be productive? • Prov. 29:22 An angry person stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. • James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

13. What happens to a team when conflict is constantly avoided?  • "Ironically, teams that avoid ideological conflict often do so in order to avoid hurting team members' feelings, and then end up encouraging dangerous tension. When team members do not openly debate and disagree about important ideas, they often turn to back-channel personal attacks, which are far nastier and more harmful than any heated argument over issues.” • Artificial harmony • Revisiting issues over and over again • "Teams that engage in productive conflict know that the only purpose is to produce the best possible solution in the shortest period of time."

14. Ignoring the elephant in the room • "What should we do if other team members refuse to discuss differences of opinion? • Determine if the difference is significant. • Speak out courageously about buried disagreements, and challenge the team to work through them • Remind people who are feeling uncomfortable that the process is good and necessary

15. Teams and conflict Have boring meetings Have lively, interesting meetings Create environment where politics and personal attacks thrive Minimize politics Ignore controversial topics that are critical to team success Put critical topics on the table for discussion Fail to tap into all the opinions of team members Extract and exploit the ideas of all team members Waste time and energy Solve real problems quickly

16. Productive vs Unproductive Conflict About ideas About personal attacks People truly listen to one another, and look for truth People defend their position to save face or gain superiority People end up feeling bitter and hurt People feel respected and loved, even others disagree with them About important things About inconsequential things Results in solution or compromise No solution or compromise

17. Cross-cultural considerations: • What are some differences between the way that Russians deal with differences of opinion and the way that our cultures deal with differences of opinion?   • “Russians appreciate honesty rather than attempts to paper over differences. It is far better to level with them and be certain that they fully understand your position. In debate they respect adversaries who are straightforward and sincere in expressing views that diverge from their own.” (From Nyet to Da) • “Confrontations over differences of views can often to avoided (resolved?) by letting Russians talk themselves out. After they have unburdened themselves and expressed their righteousness and indignation, their opposition may moderate and the differences may turn out to be not as great as originally believed.” (From Nyet to Da)

18. Our response • How should we respond when Russian Christians argue? • What should we do when our team members are arguing with one another? • Focus the discussion on ideas. • Demonstrate respect for different ideas, and confront any sarcasm or personal attacks • Resist the desire to protect team members from harm and thereby prematurely interrupting the disagreement.