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Initial Attraction

Initial Attraction. For Friends and Romantic Partners. Basic Influences on Attraction. Proximity Physical Attractiveness Want most attractive, Get a match Similarity or Finding Common Ground Search for integrating topics, Situation may produce or reveal commonalities Reciprocity of Liking

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Initial Attraction

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  1. Initial Attraction For Friends and Romantic Partners

  2. Basic Influences on Attraction • Proximity • Physical Attractiveness • Want most attractive, Get a match • Similarity or Finding Common Ground • Search for integrating topics, Situation may produce or reveal commonalities • Reciprocity of Liking • Easier to like if you feel liked, warmth, compliments • Having fun together • Supporting one’s preferred identity • Easy/enjoyable conversations

  3. Light Side Nurturing Confident Offbeat personality Intense interest in me Spontaneity, fun Strong-willed, persistent Shy and timid Very unique She would have sex Relaxed Older Successful and focused Flattering Sense of humor Sweet and sensitive Dark Side Smothering Acted like a god Too hippie Jealous and possessive Irresponsibility Domineering, persistent Insecure No common interest She couldn’t say no to sex Constantly late Too mature Work commanded him Superficial Played too many jokes Too nice Fatal Attractions

  4. Fatal Attractions The Three Most Common Patterns Were: • Fun to Foolish • Strong to Domineering • Spontaneous to Unpredictable Possible Scenarios: • Time Will Tell (Negative aspects not revealed until later) • Sour Grapes (Recast ex-partner’s attractive qualities) • Rose-Colored Glasses (Choose to ignore weaknesses) • People Pleasing (Amplify traits to try to please partner) • Familiarity Breeds Contempt (Endearing qualities get old) • Circumstances change what is valued Felmlee, D. (1998). Fatal attraction. In B. H. Spitzberg & W. R. Cupach (Eds.), The dark side of close relationships (pp. 3-31). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum

  5. Important Social Skills of Friends • Initiating conversations (how to start, respond, give compliments, extend interaction) • Sharing similar experiences and self-disclosure • Reciprocating help and support, especially emotional support • Managing conflict cooperatively • Companionship, laughing and having fun.

  6. Gender Similarities and Differences • Both women and men identify • Connection as goal • Trust as quality most valued • Empathy and altruism as key • Talk as highly valued and what they do • For adolescent boys, sports and games play central role; talk about sports, work, vehicles • For adolescent girls talk is a critical defining feature of their friendship; talk about feelings, problems, other people • Across studies gender differences are small. • From Samter, W. (2003). Friendship interaction skills across the lifespan. In J. O. Greene & B. R. Burleson (Eds.), Handbook of communication and social interaction skills (pp. 637-684). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

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