Attraction

1. Attraction Liking, Loving, and sometimes No Longer Loving Others

2. Where does attraction begin? • Why do people become attracted to each other? Four main areas have been investigated: • Proximity • Physical attractiveness • Similarity • Being liked

3. Proximity • Proximity is better thought of as functional distance or propinquity. • Functional distance strongly predicts liking. • Anticipation of interaction • Just expecting to interact with someone leads us to like them more. • In essence, we are setting the environment for behavioral confirmation. If we expect to like someone, the interaction should go more smoothly.

4. Mere Exposure • Very simply, the more we see something the more we like it (as long as exposure is not incessant – effect tops out between 10-20 exposures). • Examples abound • Zajonc’s research on nonsense syllables (further he demonstrated that we don’t need to be consciously aware of exposure – in fact, effects are stronger!). • Photograph vs. mirror image preferences. • Black bag man at Oregon St.

5. Physical Attractiveness • As much as we deny it, we are swayed by how people look. • Hatfield and Berscheid have both done research that indicates that the more attractive a female is, the more likely she is to date. • The effect is slightly less strong for males. • Matching phenomenon • Couples (even friends) tend to be relatively equal in attractiveness. • When not true, less attractive partner usually compensates on some other factor (e.g., very wealthy older men marrying beautiful young women).

6. The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype • “That which is beautiful, is good.” • People within a culture, assume that attractive people have the traits that are valued by that culture. • Adults and children are biased toward attractive people. Heck - even infants stare at attractive people longer than unattractive people! • Lessons begin early – how many ugly heroes are there in children’s tales vs. the number of ugly villians?

7. Impact of Beauty Stereotype • Attractive people have better jobs and make more money. • Irene Hanson Frieze found that for each incremental improvement in attractiveness a person earns, on average, $2300 more each year. • Attractive people are perceived to be more popular and outgoing. • This is probably reality, as they gain confidence from positive attention.

8. What is Beauty? • Isn’t it in the eye of the beholder? • Symmetrical and “average” faces are seen as most attractive. • Become more attractive when average features are exaggerated (e.g., fuller lips and larger eyes in a women). • Sociobiological explanations • What is beautiful in women generally indicates fertility. In men, attractive traits tend to indicate the ability to provide and protect. • Males are more upset by sexuality infidelity, females by emotional infidelity.

9. Is it all relative? • Classic study indicated that men found women to be less attractive if they had just finished watching Charlie’s Angels. • Men find their spouses less attractive after viewing centerfolds or pornographic films. • True for self also, people find themselves less attractive after viewing other “more attractive” people.

10. Good News About Beauty • Beauty is a two-way street. • Although we like attractive people more, we also tend to find people we like to be attractive! • The more in love we are with someone, the more attractive we view them, and the less attractive we view others of opposite sex.

11. Opposites Do Not Attract! • The greater number of shared attitudes, the more likable you find the person, particularly if you like yourself! • Fritz Heider and Balance Theory. • Opposite is also true – we tend to dislike those who hold different opinions than us. • James Jones proposes that one reason for racism is the actual cultural differences between blacks and whites. • We dislike that which is different.

12. Being Liked is Cool! • Liking is mutual. • We like those who say eight positive things about us better than those who say seven positive and one negative. • “If 60,000 people tell me they loved a show, then one walks past and says it sucked, that’s the comment I’ll hear.” – Dave Matthews • Negative information is unusual and thus grabs our attention. • Compliments backfire however if attributed to a self-serving strategy.

13. Reward Theory • We will maintain those relationships that we associate with rewards. Summarizes other variables rather nicely: • Proximity is easier (long distance relationship?) • Attractive people are assumed to have other positive, hence rewarding, characteristics. • People who hold similar opinions as us, validate our opinions, and make us feel smart. • It feels good to be liked.

14. Love • What is it? • Sternberg proposes the Triangle Theory of Love. • Three cornerstones are passion (infatuation), intimacy (liking), and commitment (empty love). • 4 variants of love produced: • Romantic Love: intimacy + passion • Fatuous Love: passion + commitment • Companionate Love: intimacy + commitment • Consummate Love: All three ingredients

15. Styles of Love • Hendrick and Hendrick: Love has different meaning to different people • Six styles of loving • Eros: Passionate Love • Ludus: Game Playing Love • Storge: Friendship Love • Pragma: Logical Love • Mania: Dependent Love • Agape: Selfless Love

16. Is Passion Just Misnamed Emotion? • Schacter and Singer’s Two Factor Model of Emotion states that arousal X label = emotion. • Experimental evidence suggests that physical arousal from any source intensifies feelings of passion. • Dutton and Aron (1974): wobbly bridge and returned phone calls. • Couples who do exciting things together report the best relationships.

17. Maintaining Relationships • Equity: feeling of being treated fairly • Those involved in long term equitable relationships do not worry about short term equity. • Perceived inequity leads to greater levels of distress and depression. • Interestingly, married couples frequently assume that they are both doing more than their share of the housework!

18. Self-Disclosure • Deep relationships are intimate. • To be intimate you must be willing to listen to others and to open up. • Sharing of yourself is known as self-disclosure. • Often the key is disclosure reciprocity • A matching of openness. Tends to progress slowly. • Too much disclosure at once makes one appear unstable.

19. Predictors of a Successful Marriage • Divorce is unlikely if: • Married after age 20 • Both grew up in stable, two-parent homes • Dated for a long time before marrying • Are well and similarly educated • Enjoy a stable income from a good job • Live in a small town or on a farm • Did not cohabitate or get pregnant before marriage • Are religiously committed • Are of similar age and faith • Positive interactions outnumber negative by at least 5 to 1

20. Dealing with Unhappiness • Rusboldt and Zimbrodt identified 4 general responses • Exit: ending or actively abusing the relationship • Voice: actively attempting to improve conditions • Loyalty: passively waiting for things to improve • Neglect: passively allowing the relationship to deteriorate • Two dimensions: constructive/destructive and active/passive