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Win-Win in Conflict Settings

Win-Win in Conflict Settings. Subtitle: the hot potato. Conflict. Power Legitimate (degree, certification) Referent (consistent values = trust) Charisma Expertise (language) Situational (post office clerk) Sharing information = bond Overlapping Power Bases Lack of role clarity

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Win-Win in Conflict Settings

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  1. Win-Win in Conflict Settings Subtitle: the hot potato

  2. Conflict • Power • Legitimate (degree, certification) • Referent (consistent values = trust) • Charisma • Expertise (language) • Situational (post office clerk) • Sharing information = bond • Overlapping Power Bases • Lack of role clarity • Attempts to increase power or influence

  3. Dealing w/ Adult Aggression • Listen, use a warm tone, and don’t judge • As they speak louder, you speak softer • Match pace and intensity • Focus on the here and now • Write down what they say • When they slow down ask what else is of concern to them • Ask for clarification • Show them the list and ask them if there are more concerns. • Ask them for suggestions for solving any of the problems • Help them prioritize problems, identify options and resources

  4. Irrational Thinking • Ability • I must do well and get approval • I or my child must have one talent • People must achieve their full potential or they are of little value • Their must be one correct solution to my problem(s)

  5. Interactions with others • Others must treat me well and be fair • I must have approval from sign. Others • I need other to rely on • Others control events that make me feel anxious, dependent, depressed, incompetent • I can’t stand these emotions • Things like justice,democracy, fairness must prevail.

  6. Life Patterns • Life must be easy, comfortable • If events are too stressful, I must continue to make myself upset about this • It is easier to avoid facing difficulties than to face them • I can do little to alter my problems • My life should have a special meaning • I should be able to live as long as I want to live

  7. Negotiation Moves: Win Win • Nibbling • Hot potato • Appeal to higher authority • Set aside issue • Good guy/bad guy • Never say yes to the first offer • Don’t argue; always agree • Be modest

  8. Ask for more than you want • Visually react to the first offer • Ask for something in return right away • People believe what they see in writing • Congratulate the other negotiator; encourage other to split difference • Decoy or red herring • Puppy dog technique • Reluctant buyer or seller

  9. Applications ROLES:1. CONFLICT GENERATOR (parent, teacher, child)--you determine problem2. CONSULTANT and CONFLICT RESPONDER3. OBSERVER/RECORDER and SUMMARIZER

  10. Applications 1. Parent who doesn’t want the child to receive any positive recognition at school because he isn’t doing well at home. Parent comes to school to ask you to stop using positives (i.e., she is a tough love proponent).2. Johnny’s 5th grade teacher has been told to use cooperative groups. S/he blames Johnny for the fact that the groups flop. Johnny is on your case load and the teacher has come to talk with you about ‘your student.’

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