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Parenting is tough, especially when it comes to communicating with adolescents. This guide provides tips and strategies to engage and encourage your student while addressing your concerns. Learn how to establish open communication and build a strong parent-child relationship.
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Communicating With Adolescents Wolcott High School School Counseling Department
Parenting is tough • What’s the line between friend and disciplinarian? • How can I engage and encourage my student while I still have some concerns on my mind? • Why do they shut me down every time I try to talk about important things? • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0ZpuA8_YYk
We Know… • Every student is different • Each student is facing unique challenges • That we don’t know everything • That you know your child best
So how can we help you? • Please write down a concern you have for communicating with your student • We may not be able to speak specifically to your student, but we do have some data about students and communication in general. • Based on the National PTA suggestions, we have Ten Tips to possibly help open communication between you and your child
Tip 1: Listen • When your child actually does want to talk, try to stop what your doing and give them your full attention. • Try to avoid jumping in until they have completely vented everything out…easier said than done, we know. • Sometimes they just want to talk and not have it fixed (they feel more empowered when they solve the problem themselves) • Try reflecting what they said so that they know you are listening and that they are being heard correctly. • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VOubVB4CTU
Tip 2: There is power in choice • Let them know 2 or 3 options (and possibly consequences) they can choose from • Let them come up with different possibilities to the problem • This helps make the conversation a two way street rather than a power struggle • Often they are able to work out solutions for themselves but just need to vocalize everything first
Tip 3: Avoid saying things out of anger • Once again, easier said than done • They are listening, even if you think its just a small passing remark • Try softening strong reactions or taking a time out before addressing the problem
Tip 4: Be a source of encouragement • When a child confides in you, try to encourage them with the fact that they did talk to you about an issue • Its difficult to admit mistakes and it’s even harder to tell it to a parent and feel like a disappointment • Validate their emotions, even if you disagree • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5yCOSHeYn4
Tip 5: Make your conversations places of comfort • Try putting yourself in your child’s shoes and see the problem from their point of view • Think about how difficult the conversation may be for your child and take time to think before you react • Possibly have a safe place where they can tell you what’s happening that won’t embarrass or feel on the defensive • The car • Dinner
Tip 6: Avoid the drill routine or 20?s • Try not to take over the conversation and allow your child to respond • Adolescents may feel like they are disappointing you and not open up if they don’t have the “right” answers to share • When needing to discuss a disciplinary issues, try addressing the behavior or action and not the child
Tip 7: Make a point of being an initiator • Randomly follow up on a previous conversation or subject of interest • This helps them to know that you listened and care • Try telling them something that has happened in your day to start a conversation
Tip 8: Take time to share • We all have busy schedules, but taking the time to spend it with your child during the week is important too. • Monthly game nights where they can even invite a friend • Watching a movie together • Learning something new together • Shopping • Play a sport together • Helping with homework • http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=extranormal+parents+kids+spending+time&FORM=HDRSC3#view=detail&mid=F85E51295FA7B506EF53F85E51295FA7B506EF53
Tip 9: Apologize when you are wrong • Sometimes admitting that you are human and make mistakes goes a long way in building that relationship.
Tip 10: Love them • Tell them that you love them • Teens are still trying to figure out what love is and what it looks like…sometimes if you don’t say it overtly they don’t think its there • Show your child that you love them for them, not just when things are going well
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree • What you probably don’t enjoy talking about, they probably like even less • Students often model what they see • How you express yourself or start a conversation often affects how they will reply
How can you help each other? • Scenario from parent concerns • Discuss with your group possible solutions or ways to talk about it with you child