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A Parent Guide For Success Effective Parenting Strategies for Children With Trichotillomania and other BFRBs. Presented by Suzanne Mouton-Odum, Ph.D. f or the Austin Trich Support Group Austin, Texas February, 2014. Goal of This T alk T oday:.
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A Parent Guide For SuccessEffective Parenting Strategies for Children With Trichotillomania and other BFRBs Presented by Suzanne Mouton-Odum, Ph.D. for the Austin Trich Support Group Austin, Texas February, 2014
Goal of This Talk Today: • To help you develop compassion for your child and to teach you effective ways to be helpful in dealing with BFRB issues. • Common mistakes parents often make.
Different Ages and Different Stages of Trich • Toddler • Elementary Age • Middle School Age • High School Age
Different Ages and Different Stages of Trich • Toddler • Mommy and daddy are in control of changes. • Toddlers tend to be more amenable to change. • Toddlers are learning every day. • Parents control the schedule. • Have fun!
Different Ages and Different Stages of Trich • Elementary Age • Mommy and daddy are still in control of changes, but less so. • May not care about bald spots/scabs. • Usually concerned about pleasing parents. • Parents have less control over the schedule. • Keenly aware of parent reactions.
Different Ages and Different Stages of Trich • Middle School Age • Start of independence. • Beginning to care about bald spots/scabs. • Not as concerned about pleasing parents. • Parents have much less control over the schedule. • Keenly aware of parent reactions and how to manipulate situations to their advantage.
Different Ages and Different Stages of Trich • High School Age • High need for independence. • Can be very concerned about bald spots/scabs. • Not as concerned about pleasing parents. • Parents are much less involved in therapy. • Power struggles abound! • Need for social acceptance.
What are Key Elements of Good Treatment? Find a therapist who will: 1. Take a comprehensive approach: • Sensory triggers • Cognitive beliefs • Affective cues • Motor behaviors • Place (Situational cues) 2. Treat the child as a whole person. 3. Understand the developmental issues. 4. Address family dynamics. 5. Treat co-morbid conditions and co-occurring events.
How to Help, Not Hurt: Advice for Parents • Be patient, change is a process • Accept your child with a BFRB- she is more than just hair and clear skin! • “Release,” don’t “police” as much as you want to, you can’t control this! • Shift your focus to other aspects of your child • Love unconditionally • Get support for yourself
How to Help, Not Hurt: Advice for Parents Focus on loving you child: • Recognize their strengths and abilities • See them as a whole, not simply as “having hair/clear skin or not” • Acknowledge your reactions, feelings, frustrations and learn how to better cope with them • Realize that hair pulling is ADAPTIVE, your child is pulling or picking because it is helping them in some way • Don’t nag or shame your child
How to Help, Not Hurt: Advice for Parents • Assess Motivation: Who is more motivated…you or your child? • Assess Readiness: Is your child ready to make a change? • Reduce/eliminate conflict and power struggles around hair pulling/skin picking (there are plenty of others) • Ask yourself, “What do I want for my child?”
How to help, Not Hurt: Advice for Parents Strategies for change: • Let go, don’t nag. • Focus on the positive aspects of your child, e.g., her successes (sports, music, riding a bike, being funny, academics, theater). • Reward the use of strategies, not hair growth/skin healing. • Ask your child how you can help (let them drive the nature of the support) • View recovery as a process, not a goal. • Focus on your child, not their hair/skin.
Common Questions • Do we tell family members? • Did I cause this? • Do BFRBs lead to “worse” things? • Should we tell the school? • Should we tell our friends? • Should my child tell his/her friends? • What do I say when someone we don’t know asks what is wrong with our child? • Should we purchase a wig?
Common Questions • What should my child say when another child asks them what is wrong with their hair? • Are wigs and hair extensions a crutch? • What if s/he is not using the strategies? • What if my child is untruthful about pulling/picking? • Will medication help? • Will this ever go away?
Moving forward • Consult with TLC to find a trained therapist in your area (ideal). • Find a cognitive-behavioral therapist who is willing to learn about treatment for BFRBs. • Educate your therapist about training opportunities (PTI) and books/articles. • Work on yourself and any issues you may have regarding trich/behavior/control/shame. • Get support for yourself (parent groups, list serves, therapy). • Think about what is best for you and your family, is now the best time?
Resources • TLC • A Parent Guide to Hair Pulling Disorder • The Hair Pulling Habit and You: How to Solve the Trichotillomania Puzzle • www.StopPulling.com • www.StopPicking.com • PullFree (a mobile app)