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DEFINE “BULLYING”. Negative behavior that is repeated and is intentional by someone who thinks he/she has more power (older, bigger, smarter, better than…). TYPES OF BULLYING. • Exclusion • Put downs • Intimidation • Unwanted physical contact. TEASING VS BULLYING.
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DEFINE “BULLYING” Negative behavior that is repeated and is intentional by someone who thinks he/she has more power (older, bigger, smarter, better than…)
TYPES OF BULLYING • Exclusion • Put downs • Intimidation • Unwanted physical contact
TEASING VS BULLYING TEASING: Likeable, playful, pat on back, sign you are liked/accepted, POSITIVE BULLYING: Assault, power trip, destroying, intimidating, cowardly, attack, NEGATIVE
HOW ARE BULLIES DIFFERENT? • 60-70% never involved w/bullying • Starts at early age • Hurts him/herself • Become Antisocial Adults • They think others are hostile • They may be desperate
HOW TARGETSARE DIFFERENT? • More sensitive, cautious, quieter • More anxious or nervous • Avoid confrontation; cry when attacked • May not do well in gym or front of class • Submission when picked on • Smaller, overweight, skinny, old clothes
Bully vs.Target • Bullying hurts • Social isolation most damaging to bully and to target • Leads to loneliness • Leads to disliking school • Leads to depression
PROBLEM Too many students are being bullied!
CAUSES OF PROBLEM • Because bully can get away with it! • Bully may want to feel superior • Bully may want the attention • Bully may want payback • Bully may have been bullied • Bully may want to feel accepted • Bully is not liked
PEOPLE INVOLVED • Bully • Target • ByStander GOALS To have ByStanders Become UpStanders To have Targets prepared
SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEM • Train ByStanders to be UpStanders • Train Targets This is what we will do today!
How ByStanders Can Help S-A-F-E S - STOP bully, if you can (#1 concern is SAFETY for everyone A - Get ADULT quickly F - FACE UP to the bully E - EMPOWER target by siding with and helping where possible
Why ByStanders Don’t Help • “It’s none of my business.” • Fear of getting hurt or becoming victim • Feel powerless to stop bully • Doesn’t like the target • Believes target deserves it • Don’t want to draw attention to self • Fear revenge • Afraid to tell adults • Don’t know what to do TV: What would you do?
ByStander May Experience • Pressure to participate in the bullying • Fear of speaking to anyone about it • Powerless to stop bullying • Fear of being victimized also • Fear of helping target or associating with • Guilt for not helping
POTENTIAL TARGETS Know your buttons: • hair color • size: small, overweight, skinny • cries easily, looks scared • shy, quiet • racial/ethnic difference • wrong crowd, wrong clothes, etc.
WHEN BUTTON PUSHED • Ignore bully • Try to diffuse with humor • Speak up to defend yourself • If possible, leave area immediately Remember: you give control if you whimper or cry. Doing nothing means that you win and they lose because you stayed in control!
PLAN FOR NEXT TIME • It is most important to be SAFE!! • Winning is NOT who is best at put downs • Winning is taking care of your own emotions
BE ASSERTIVE SHAKE HANDS • Passive 2. Weak 3. Assertive 4. Pushy 5. Aggressive
BULLY MAGNET • Head down • Shoulders slumped • Face scared • Eyes down • Voice weak
MORE ASSERTIVENESS • Look directly at bully • Shoulders back • Head up • Speak with strength
BULLY-PROOFING G-I-F-T GET AWAY IGNOREif possible STANDUPfor yourself TELLadult
REMEMBER S-A-F-E G-I-F-T