Intimate Relationships and Communication

1. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four

2. Developing Intimate Relationships • Be willing to give of themselves • Share their ideas, feelings, time, and needs • Self-Concept and Self-Esteem • Feel good about ourselves • Roots of our identity and self • Developed during childhood • Relationships with parents and other family members • Gender roles • Style of attachment • Formulation of friendships ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

3. Friendship • Characteristics • Companionship • Respect • Acceptance • Help • Trust • Loyalty • Reciprocity ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

4. Love, Sex, and Intimacy • Most basic and profound human emotions. • Encompasses opposites: • Affection and anger • Excitement and boredom • Stability and change • Bonds and freedom • Love does not give us perfect happiness, but it does give our lives meaning. • Positive factors that draw people together ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

5. Relationships • Strong relationships comprise of: • Trust • Caring • Respect • Loyalty • Interest in the other • Concern of other’s wellbeing ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

6. Sternberg’s “Love Triangle” • These elements can be enlarged, diminished, or combined • Liking (intimacy only) • Infatuation (passion only) • Romantic (intimacy and passion) • Fatuous (passion and commitment) • Empty (commitment only) • Companionate (intimacy and commitment) • Consummate (all three elements) ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

7. “The Love Triangle”(Figure 4-1) ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

8. The Pleasure and Pain of Love • Intense love has confused and tormented lovers though-out history • Passionate love • Recognize the human emotions • Two components: • Physiological arousal • Emotional explanation for the arousal ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

9. The Transformation of Love • All relationships change over time. • At first, high levels of passion and increased intimacy • Reduction of romance and or passion leads to the transformation of deep love. ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

10. Challenges in Relationships • Honesty and Openness • Unequal or Premature commitment • Unrealistic Expectations • Expecting your partner to change • Assuming • Unsupported beliefs • Competitiveness • Balance of Time together and apart • Jealousy • Is not an element of love ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

11. Successful Relationships • Realistic expectations • Mutual trust • Open communication • Effective ways to resolve conflict • Ask for and give support • Agreement on religious/ethical values • Equal roles • Balance of individual and joint interests • Take Charge Box • “Strategies For Enhancing Support in Relationships” ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

12. Ending a Relationship • Reasons why? • Guidelines of a breakup • Fair chance • Be fair and honest • Be tactful and compassionate • If you are the rejected person, make time for resolving your anger and pain • Recognize the value of the experience ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

13. Communication • Nonverbal • As much as 65% of face-to-face communication is nonverbal • Ability to interpret nonverbal messages • Communication skills • Self-disclosure • Listening • Feedback is a constructive response • Gender differences in communication • Men • Establishing dominance/competitive • Men talk more/listen less • Women Establishing friendships • Seeking advice • Obtaining cues from listening and eye contact ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

14. Conflict and Conflict Resolution • Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships. • Clarify the issue. • Find out what each person wants. • Identify various alternatives. • Decide how to negotiate. • Solidify the agreements. • Review and renegotiate. ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

15. Pairing and Singlehood • Choosing a Partner. • Similarities (to your own) • Ethnic and socioeconomic background, educational level, lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits. • First attraction – observable characteristics • Communication. • Acceptance. • Most important question – How much do we have in common? ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

16. Dating • Different cultures have different rituals for finding a mate • Centers on a mutually enjoyable activity • American Culture • Getting to know each other • Traditional male-female dating pattern • Dating of young people “Today” ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

17. Living Together • Cohabitation • 30 years old • Half of all men and women have cohabited. • Factors of acceptance • Rarely continues indefinitely • Advantages • Liabilities ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

18. Partnership • Gay and Lesbian • Sexual orientation • Homosexual relationships in relation to heterosexual relationships • Traditional gender roles • Societal attitudes • Same-sex marriage • Civil rights • “Homophobia” ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

19. Singlehood • Diverse group • 180 million single individuals • Factors that contribute to a growing number • Advantages • Disadvantages • Enjoyment depends upon: ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

20. ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

21. Marriage • Benefits of Marriage • Issues of marriage • Realistic expectations • Feels good about the personality of their mate • Communication • Conflict resolution • Religious and ethical values • Egalitarian role • Good balance of individual and joint interests • Role of Commitment ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

22. Separation and Divorce • High rates.. Why? • 50-55% chance of divorcing • Process of Divorce. • Emotional separation - First step • Physical separation • Greatest stress producing event next to the death of a spouse or family member • Recovery from divorce. • Remarriage. ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

23. Becoming a Parent Preparation for parenthood Own stability and readiness to be a parent Physical health Teenage parenting Over the age of 35 Nutritional habits Genetics Financial Considered educational and career plans Emotionally ready Social support Attitudes and aptitudes Family Life ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

24. Parenting • Parenting styles • Authoritarian • Authoritative • Permissive (or indulgent) • Uninvolved • Children’s temperaments • Easy children • Difficult children • Slow-to-warm-up ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

25. Parenting and the Family Life Cycle • Provide a balance of firm limits and clear structure • High levels of: • Warmth • Nurturance • Respect • Grow of independence ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

26. Building Blocks of Parenting • Modeling • Trust • Respect • Love and Discipline • Honesty • Positive Statements • Time, Attention, Concern ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

27. Each stage of the Family Life Cycle • Satisfaction for all family members • Early stage: • Ensure the babies well-being • worry about choices and mistakes • no set rules • most important is to promote satisfaction for all family members. • Later stages: Balance between giving freedom and setting limits • Marital satisfaction tends to decline when children are in school ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

28. Single-parent Families • Differences to a traditional family life cycle. • Difficulties experienced as a single parent. • Single Fatherhood. • Children from single-parent families. ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

29. Stepfamilies or Blended Families • 3 out of 4 women and 4 out of 5 men will remarry. • Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of an intact family. • Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy intact families. Allow for more individual differences. • More of a history they have the more of a family unit is built. ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

30. Qualities of Successful Families • Commitment • Appreciation • Communication • Time together • Spiritual wellness • Coping with stress and crisis ©2008 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

31. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four