Intimate Relationships and Communication

1. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four

2. Developing Intimate Relationships • Be willing to give of yourself • Share ideas, feelings, time, and needs • Self-concept and self-esteem • Accept and feel good about yourself • Roots of our identity and sense of self • Developed during childhood • Relationships with parents and other family members • Gender role • Type of attachment

3. Friendship • Characteristics • Companionship • Respect • Acceptance • Help • Trust • Loyalty • Mutuality • Reciprocity

4. Love, Sex, and Intimacy • Most basic and profound human emotions • Encompasses opposites: • Affection and anger • Excitement and boredom • Stability and change • Bonds and freedom • Love does not give us perfect happiness, but it does give our lives meaning • Positive factors that draw people together

5. Relationships • Strong relationships • Trust • Caring • Respect • Loyalty • Interest in the other • Concern with others’ well-being

6. The Pleasure and Pain of Love • Intense love has confused and tormented lovers throughout history • Passionate love • Recognize the human emotions have two components: • Physiological arousal • Emotional explanation for the arousal

7. The Transformation of Love • All relationships change over time • At first, there are high levels of passion and increasing intimacy • Reduction of romance/passion leadsto the transformation of enduring love

8. Challenges in Relationships • Honesty and openness • Unequal or premature commitment • Unrealistic expectations • Expecting your partner to change • Assumptions • Unsupported beliefs • Competitiveness • Focus on fun • Balance of time together and apart • Jealousy • Not an element of love • Supportiveness

9. Unhealthy Relationships • Reasons why? • Ending a Relationship • Guidelines of a breakup: • Give the relationship a fair chance • Be fair and honest • Be tactful and compassionate • If you are the rejected person, make time for resolving your anger and pain • Recognize the value in the experience

10. Communication • Nonverbal communication • Ability to interpret nonverbal messages • Communication skills • Self-disclosure • Listening • Feedback is a constructive response • Gender differences in communication • Men • Establish dominance and may be competitive • Men talk more and listen less • Women • Communicate in an affiliative way • Perhaps want to establish friendships • Seek advice • Obtain cues from listening and eye contact

11. Conflict and Conflict Resolution • Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships • Clarify the issue. • Find out what each person wants. • Determine how you both can get what you want. • Decide how to negotiate. • Solidify the agreements. • Review and renegotiate.

12. Pairing and Singlehood • Choosing a Partner. • Similarities (to your own) • Same geographic area, similar ethnic and socioeconomic background, similar educational level, similar lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits • First attraction – observable characteristics • Personality traits and behaviors become more significant • Most important question is, “How much do we have in common?”

13. Dating • Different cultures have different rituals for finding a mate • Centers on a mutually enjoyable activity • American culture • Getting to know each other • Traditional male-female dating pattern • Dating of young people “today” • “Hooking up”

14. Living Together • Cohabitation • 30 years old • Half of all men and women have cohabited • Factors of acceptance of premarital sex • Advantages (autonomy) • Liabilities (legal issues)

15. Same-Sex Partnerships • Gay and Lesbian • Sexual orientation • Homosexual relationships in relation to heterosexual relationships • Traditional gender roles • Societal attitudes • Same-sex marriage • Civil rights • “Homophobia”

16. Singlehood • Diverse group • 115 million single individuals • Median age for marriage is 27.7 years for men and 26.1 years for women • Factors that contribute to a growing number • Advantages • Disadvantages

17. Figure 4.1 Marital status of the U.S. population ages 15 years and older, 2009

18. Marriage • Benefits of marriage • Issues of marriage • Realistic expectations • Feels good about the personality of their mate • Communication • Conflict resolution • Religious and ethical values • Egalitarian roles • Good balance of individual and joint interests • Role of commitment

19. Separation and Divorce • Why high rates? • 50-55% chance of divorcing • Process of divorce • Emotional separation is the first step • Physical separation • Greatest stress-producing event next to the death of a spouse or family member • Recovery from divorce • Remarriage

20. Family Life • Preparing for parenthood • Becoming a parent • Stressful transition • Must learn quickly • Marital roles may change • Jobs may change • Marital satisfaction may decline

21. Parenting • Parenting styles • Authoritarian • Authoritative • Permissive (or indulgent) • Uninvolved • Children’s temperaments • Easy children • Difficult children • Slow-to-warm-up children

22. Parenting and the Family Life Cycle • Provide a balance of firm limits and clear structure • High levels of: • Warmth • Nurturing • Respect • Growth of independence

23. Figure 4.3The Growth of Single-Parent Families in the United States, 2009

24. Single-Parent Families • U.S. Census Bureau • 26% of all children under 18 live with only one parent • Traditional family life cycle may be reversed (baby first, then marriage) • Difficulties experienced as a single parent • Single fatherhood • Children from single-parent families

25. Stepfamilies or Blended Families • About 3 out of 4 divorced women and 4 out of 5 divorced men will remarry • Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of a primary family • Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy primary families • Allow for more individual differences. • Gain more of a sense of being as family as they build a history.

26. Successful Families • Commitment • Appreciation • Communication • Time together • Spiritual wellness • Coping with stress and crisis

27. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four