Dating Abuse and Healthy Relationships

1. Dating Abuse and • Healthy Relationships • Teresa Huang • Peer Educator

2. Ice Breaker: Buzzer Exercise About Us “I have the right to a safe and healthy relationship, free from violence and fear.”

3. About Us About Us Loveisrespect Loveisrespect is the ultimate resource to engage, educate and empower youth and young adults to prevent and end abusive relationships.

4. Loveisrespect believes… Everyone has the right to be in a safe and healthy relationship!

5. Abuse Can Happen to Anyone About Us • Dating abuse affects 1 out of 3 young people. • Dating violence occurs in all neighborhoods, income levels, and ethnic groups. • Both guys and girls can be perpetrators or victims of abuse. • Dating violence happensin straight and same-sexrelationships. • Most abuse gets moresevere over time.

6. What is Dating Abuse? About Us “A pattern …”

7. What is Dating Abuse? About Us Dating abuse is a pattern of destructive behaviors used to exert powerand control over a dating partner.

8. Myths and Stereotypes About Us • Only physical abuse • Just bad temper that can’t be controlled • Just learned behavior fromchildhood • Easy to leave • Mental illness • Girls cannot be abusive • Only heterosexual relationships • Only in long-term relationships

9. Types of Abuse About Us

10. What Does Dating Abuse Look Like? About Us • Refusing to practice safe sex • Refusing to use birth control or purposely damaging birth control • Forcing unwanted sexual activity • Pressure to take/send inappropriate pictures • Checking someone’s cell phone to see who they talk to • Texting constantly to monitor one’s activities or whereabouts • Spreading rumors • Constant put-downs/insults • Hitting, pushing, scratching, spitting, or pulling hair • Extreme jealousy or insecurity • Mood swings • Keeping one from spending time on extracurricular activities • Isolation from friends or family • Threatening harm to oneself • Threatening to out a teen’s sexuality or gender identity

11. Questions About Types of Abuse?

12. The Impact About Us

13. What is Dating Abuse? About Us Communication - Respect - Trust - Equality - Personal Space - Consent Breaks in Communication - Pressure - Dishonesty - Struggles for Control Disrespect - False Accusations - Blame Shifting - Isolation - Manipulation

14. Warning Signs About Us • Extreme Jealousy • Possessiveness • Controlling behavior and setting rules • Mood swings and explosive temper • Excessive phone calls and check ins • Physically hurting you in any way • Isolating you from family and friends • Constant put downs • Telling you what to do • Financial control

15. Obstacles About Us • fear of being outed • pregnancy or parenting • distrust of police • nowhere to go • reluctance to report abuser • peer pressure • “puppy love” phenomena • fear of the abuser/friendsor family • language barriers • embarrassment • low self esteem • hoping abuser will change • believing abuse is normal • cultural religious reasons • lack of money

16. How to Help a Friend • LISTEN • Be supportive • Be non-judgmental • Connect them to Loveisrespect resources • Help them create a safety plan

17. Safety Planning About Us • Leaving is often the hardest and scariest part of being in an abusive relationship. • It is important to have a well thought out safety plan prior to leaving an abusive relationship. • A safety plan includes… • Contact person • Safety route • Resources • Plan needs to be realistic and specific to the situation • Visit www.loveisrespect.org to learn more

18. Safety Planning About Us • Important questions to ask are….. • What can I do to stay safe in my home? • How do I safely get to work or school? • Is there a safe place I can go when abuse happens? • Who can walk with me from one class to another? • Who can I call if I feel I am in danger?

19. Restraining Order Facts About Us • Restraining Orders are FREE. • California state law allows minors to petition for a RO on their own at age 12. • Child under the age of 12 must have a parent, guardian, or custodian petition on their behalf. • California law does require the court to notify at least one parent or guardian of RO.

20. Questions About Getting Help?

21. Healthy Relationships About Us • It is important to think about what you want in your relationships… • Make a list of Healthy and Unhealthybehaviors. • Be aware of warning signs of abuseas well as signs of healthy behaviors. • Relationships are not perfect! It’s okay to disagree as long as you communicate and respect one another. • Everyone has a right to a safe and healthy relationship.

22. Healthy Relationships: Conflict Resolution About Us • Set Boundaries • Find the Real Issue • Agree to Disagree • Compromise when Possible • Consider Everything • While conflict is normal, your arguments shouldn’tinvolve degrading or humiliating comments. • You should be able to express yourself without fear of retaliation. • Take a Healthy Relationship quiz to learn more.

23. Healthy Relationships: Communication About Us • Find the Right Time • Talk Face to Face • Do Not Attack • Be Honest • Check Your Body Language • Use the 48 Hour Rule • Communicating isn’t always easy. At first, some of these tips may feel unnatural or awkward, but they will help you communicate better and build a healthy relationship. • If you are angry, remember to… • Stop • Think • Talk • Listen

24. Final Questions?

25. 22522 (866) 331-9474 Text “loveis” to 22522 loveisrespect.tumblr.com facebook/loveisrespectpage @loveisrespectofficial @loveisrespect

26. Love is… ?