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ANGER

ANGER. MANAGEMENT. ANGER. PHYSIOLOGY. 3. Data also to cortex. 5. Amygdala blocks ‘slow’ thinking. 4. Amygdala does quick threat assessment. 2. Data to Amygdala. 1. Sensory data to thalamus. 6. ‘Unthinking’ response. The Amygdala. Radar – constantly firing Scanning for threats

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ANGER

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  1. ANGER MANAGEMENT

  2. ANGER PHYSIOLOGY 3. Data also to cortex 5. Amygdala blocks ‘slow’ thinking 4. Amygdala does quick threat assessment 2. Data to Amygdala 1. Sensory data to thalamus 6. ‘Unthinking’ response

  3. The Amygdala • Radar – constantly firing • Scanning for threats • Can’t stop it from firing • Responsible for ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ • Triggers appropriate survival behaviour • Responds in .85 milliseconds • Fires 100x faster than ability to think • Effects on the Body • Monitors threats ---- releases adrenalin • Pupils dilate (gathering info) ------ laser focus • Releases cortisol – creates stressful state • - fight, flight, freeze • Sweaty palms, facial redness, veins stick out

  4. The Amygdala • Effects on the Thinking Mind • Can’t distinguish between perception • and reality • Overpowers/hijacks rational thinking • Lose logic • Lose perspective THEM YOU 6 Marbles 720 options 720 options Common Ground 5 Marbles 120 options 120 options

  5. The Amygdala How to Get Back Rational Self • Take deep breaths • - 1st shallow & hold • - 2nd mid & hold • - 3rd deep & hold 2. Count backwards from 97 by 3 3. Tap into Gratitude - anchor yourself with something for which you are grateful - appreciation for others despite circumstances - pushes out cortisol & washes with feel good hormones

  6. ANGER • universal emotion – we all have an amygdala! • few people want to admit they have a problem with anger • most of us readily see anger mismanagement on the • part of others……. • …..but seldom see it in ourselves !!!!!

  7. ANGER Anger is neither a positive nor a negative emotion. It is the way we handle our anger that makes it negative or positive. HONOUR OUR ANGER

  8. ANGER Needs to be Managed Prov.14:17 – ‘He that is soon angry will deal foolishly’ Prov. 14:29 – He that is slow to anger is of great understanding, but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly’ Prov.15:18 – ‘A wrathful man stirreth up contention: he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.’ Prov.16:32 – ‘He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty’ Prov.22:24 – ‘Make no friendship with a man given to anger; with a wrathful man thou shalt not go.’ Ecc.7:9 – ‘Be not hasty to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools’ Ja.1:19 – ‘Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.’ … to be Constructive!!

  9. ANGER Needs to be Managed • Deal foolishly • Exalteth folly • Stirs up contention • Do not befriend • Person to be avoided • Fool • Great understanding • Appeaseth strife • Better than the mighty • Swift to hear, slow to speak SOON ANGRY SLOW to ANGER … to be Constructive!!

  10. UNRESTRAINED ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE ‘Soon Angry’ PAUL

  11. Barnabus A Spiritual Role Model ‘Two are Better than One’ Ecc.4:9 Acts 9:26-28 - _____________________________ Acts 11:25-26 - ____________________________ Acts 13:1-3 - ______________________________ Acts 13:7,13 - _____________________________ Acts 13:46-14:20 - __________________________ Acts 15:1-3,12 - ____________________________ Acts 15:36-38 - _____________________________ Befriended Saul when others wouldn’t Went to seek him out Worked together Transition of Leadership Chief speaker - Defer to strength Moved forward based on common understanding Spiritual Courage - Agree to Disagree John Mark Acts 12:12 Acts 12:25 Acts 13:5 Acts 13:13 Acts 15:37-39--------II Tim.4:11,Phile:24,IPet.5:13 Allow for Mistakes Encourage Growth

  12. PAUL & BARNABUS STIMULUS RESPONSE ‘The contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other’ Acts 15:39 • How often have you seen that happen? • Or experienced it yourself? • Marriage • Individual Brothers/Sisters • Within your Ecclesia • Between Ecclesias Scriptural Instruction – Learn to Manage Your Anger First

  13. UNRESTRAINED ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE ‘Soon Angry’ PAUL

  14. PAUSED/CONTROLLED ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE Freedom to Choose Response - ability

  15. JONATHAN STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE I Sam. 20:30-34 Saul’s Unbridled Anger Jonathan’s Wise Response Prov.14:29 – ‘hasty of spirit’ Prov.19:12 – ‘king’s wrath’ Prov.19:19 – ‘great wrath’ Prov.21:24 – ‘proud wrath’ Prov.25:28 – ‘no rule over his spirit’ Prov.27:3 – ‘fool’s wrath’ Prov.22:24 – ‘avoid a furious man’ Ecc.7:9 – ‘be not hasty to be angry’

  16. GOD’S ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE Freedom to Choose DIVINE PRINCIPLES FOR CONDUCT

  17. GOD’S ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE “…provoked the LORD to anger…” Ps.7:11 – God is angry with the wicked every day II Kings 17:9-11 – ch. Of Israel did secretly those things that were not right II Kings 22:17 - …works of their hands… Ps.106:29 - … with their inventions… Is.9:17 - …everyone is a hypocrite and an evildoer Jer. 32:27-32 - …turned unto me the back and not the face… - they - their kings - their princes - their priests - their prophets Jer.42:17-18, Ezek.16:26,20:8 …set faces to go into Egypt…committed whoredoms with Egypt thy neighbours, great of flesh…neither did forsake the idols of Egypt Ezek.8:17 - …is it a light thing

  18. GOD’S ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE Ps.78:38 - …many a time turned he his anger away… Ps.103:8, Joel2:13, Nah.1:3,6 – merciful, gracious, slow to anger Is.48:9-11 – defer mine anger…I will refrain for thee II Kings 17:13 – testified against Israel & Judah by prophets …morning by morning… rising early and speaking to them!! Jer.7:13,25,11:7,25:3,26:5,35:14-15,44:4

  19. GOD’S ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE To Be Feared Ps.6:1 – rebuke me not in thine anger Ps.27:9 – put not servant away in anger Ps.90:7-12 – who knoweth power of thine anger …..therefore teach us to number our days Has Purpose Jer.23:20, 30:24, Ezek.5:13 …till he have performed the thoughts of his heart perfectly… Refining Process – Purified Product Ezek.22:20-22 - …I will gather you in mine anger…into the midst of the furnace…and blow upon it…and melt you.. and ye shall know !!! How God’s Anger Works Is.10:5 – Assyrian = rod of his anger Is.13:3 – my mighty ones (nations) Hos.13:11 – sometimes gives us what we want Reversible Jer.3:12-14– Only acknowledge thine iniquity Love is the End Result Mic.7:18 – retaineth not anger…delights in mercy (Lam.3:22-23) Hos. 14:4 - …I will love them freely…mine anger is turned away

  20. GOD’S ANGER STIMULUS RESPONSE PAUSE Summary • God has ‘the right’ to be angry with us every day • God defers his anger – appeals to us by the prophets • God will/does express his anger given our stubborn behaviour • - Purpose • - Refining Process • - Reversible • - Love is the end result

  21. The Scriptural Process 1. Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Eph. 4:26 – “Be ye angry, and sin not” Challenge is not ‘Don’t get angry’ but…. not to sin when we are angry! 2. Restrain your immediate response Prov.29:11 – ‘A fool gives full vent to his anger’ Prov.19:11 – ‘People with good sense restrain their anger’ Prov.14:17 – ‘A quick tempered man does foolish things.’ PAUSE ‘Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.’ Anonymous

  22. The 5 Step Process PAUSE 3. Seek to understand before making yourself understood. • Principle – Ecc.5:1-2 – allusion to law – Ex.30:18-20 • James 1:19-20 – quick to listen…slooooooow to wrath ! CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK…. ‘I assume I don’t fully understand, and I need to listen’ ‘If I listen first and understand, then I will be better understood’ Listening ----------- Paradigm shift

  23. LEVELS OF LISTENING Ignoring – making no effort to listen Pretend Listening – making believe or giving the appearance you are listening Selective Listening – hearing only parts of the conversation that interest you Attentive Listening – paying attention and focusing on what the speaker says and comparing that to your own experiences Empathic Listening – listening and responding with both the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words, intent and feelings

  24. "EM" "PATHOS" (Greek) “in” “feeling, suffering” Phil. 3:10 – ‘fellowship of his sufferings (pathos)’ I Pet. 4:12-14 – ‘partakers of Christ’s sufferings (pathos)’ II Cor.1:3-5 – ‘sufferings abound in Christ’ We have empathy when we put ourself in another’s place and experience feelings as he or she experiences them. It does not mean we agree but that we deeply understand another person emotionally and intellectually. Indicator Phrases ‘As I get it, you felt that…’ ‘I’m picking up that you…’ ‘So, as you see it…’ ‘What I guess I’m hearing is…’ ‘I’m not sure I’m with you but…’ ‘You place a high value on…’ ‘As I hear it, you…’ ‘You must have felt…’ ‘Your message seems to be, I…’ • Help the Speaker Feel Understood • Repeat Content • Rephrase Content in Own Words • Reflect Feelings • Rephrase & Reflect Feelings in Own Words

  25. The 5 Step Process 4. Analyze Your Options PAUSE • Consciously Decide to Overlook the Matter • - not same as storing your anger • - Releasing the anger to God – giving up the right to take revenge • Rom.12:9 – God’s prerogative • Prov 19:11 – ‘The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his • glory to pass over a transgression.’ • Col.3:13 – ‘forbear’ • ii) Lovingly Confront the Person • Gal.6:1 – ‘restore such an one in the spirit of meekness’ – RESTORATION • Lu.17:3-4 – ‘…if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him…’ • rebuke = ‘to set a weight upon’ • laying a matter before a bro/sis kindly and firmly • realize there is always possibility you have misunderstood • suggestion – write it before you speak it • Result – 1. Explanation 2. Confession --- framework for reconciliation

  26. The 5 Step Process 5. Take Constructive Action RESPONSE • If we choose to let the offense go……PRAY ! • If we choose to lovingly confront do so gently….PRAY! • Matt.5:22-24 • LISTEN FIRST…..it may change your paradigm!!!! Forgiveness • Must always be given • Is the promise that you will no longer hold this particular offense • against the person… • your anger has served its purpose – it has motivated you to take • constructive action to see that the issue was resolved!

  27. Nehemiah 5 CONFRONTATION ANGER MANAGEMENT Verse 1-5 James 5:1-4 “a great cry of the people” The Call of Brethren Lev. 25:35-38 I Cor.6:6-8 “against their brethren” Scenario v.2 Our sons and daughters need food! v.3 Mortgaged lands, houses, vineyards to buy food! v.4 Borrowed money to pay king’s tribute against lands. v.5 Sons and daughters taken into bondage as servants!

  28. Nehemiah 5 CONFRONTATION ANGER MANAGEMENT Verse 6 ‘I was very angry’Heb. ‘was angering – to glow, grow warm’ ie Paul - II Cor. 11:29 Verse 7 ‘consulted with myself’ NEB - ‘I mastered my feelings and reasoned with the elders’ Freedom to Choose

  29. Nehemiah 5 CONFRONTATION ANGER MANAGEMENT 1. Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. v.6 ‘And I was very angry’ 2. Restrain your immediate response v.7 ‘I consulted with myself’ 3. Seek to understand before making yourself understood. v.8 ‘Then held they their peace, and found nothing to answer’ 4. Analyze Your Options Overlook the Matter Lovingly Confront v.9 – ‘It is not good that ye do…’ 5. Take Constructive Action v.12 – ‘Restore…require nothing…take an oath’ v.14-19 – Set an example

  30. ANGER “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” An experience common to man Cain – Gen.4:5,8 Saul – I Sam. 20:28-34 Jonah – Jonah 4:1,4,9 Anger was designed to be a visitor, never a resident in the human heart.

  31. CONFLICT STRATEGIES

  32. CONFLICT STRATEGIES Casting Out Moneychangers Mark 11:11-19 Jerusalem Conference Acts 15:1-22 Going to Law I Cor.5:12-6:8 Coat & Cloke Matt.5:39-42 Paul & Peter Gal.2:11 Pilate & People Luke 23:13-25 Paul & Barnabus Acts 15:36-40 Neglect of Widows Acts 6:1-8 Nehemiah & Rulers Neh.5 Saul & Jonathan I Sam.20:30-34 Cain & Abel Genesis 4

  33. CONFLICT RESOLUTION

  34. CONFLICT RESOLUTION Conflict Resolution Styles Matthew 18 Forgiveness Intra-Ecclesial Conflict Reconciliation is the Goal

  35. 1 6 2 3 3

  36. MATTHEW 18 Between Thee and Him – v.15 One or Two More – v.16 Tell it to the Ecclesia – v.17

  37. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 ‘If your brother acts wrongly towards you, go and point out his fault to him when only you and he are there’ (Wey) ‘But if your brother wrongs you, go and have it out with him at once – just between the two of you.’ (Philips) ‘trespass’ – ‘to miss the mark, be mistaken, miss or wander from the path of uprightness and honor, to do or go wrong’ (Thayer) Prov. 25:8-9 – ‘Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself’

  38. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 ‘go tell him his fault’ ‘refute, confute, bring to light, expose’ ‘self to the exclusion of others, by one’s self’ Gr. vb. Implies a continual action – ie continue till it is apparent further conversation = useless or harmful Motive – Gaining thy brother – Lev.19:17-18

  39. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 ‘hear’ – ‘to attend to, consider, understand, perceive the sense of what is being said’ • Always intermediate step • We add meaning to action observed • Even if it we don’t realize it we tell ourselves stories • Need to tell ourselves different story to break cycle

  40. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 CONFLICT – An Opportunity Love of Christ Note Context – v.12-14 – restoration not condemnation Language of scripture – not ‘confront’ - confessing, teaching, instructing, reasoning, encouraging, correcting, warning, admonishing, rebuking (Mt.5:23-24, Lu.17:3, Acts 17:17, I Thess.5:14, II Tim.2:24,4:2) 3. Adjust intensity of our communication – I Tim.5:1 Reconciliation Principles

  41. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 Reconciliation Principles 1. FACE TO FACE Matt.5:23-24,18:15, Lu.17:3 Successful Reconciliation Unsuccessful Reconciliation Jacob & Esau – Gen 33:6-12 Joseph & Bro’s – Gen 45-50 Paul & Apostles – Acts 9:27-28 David and Absalom II Sam.14:24-32 ‘must not see my face’

  42. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 Reconciliation Principles 2. AWARENESS = OBLIGATION To do nothing isn’t a scripturally viable option Lev. 19:17 – ‘rebuke…so you will not share his guilt’ Prov.24:11-12 – ‘If you say we know nothing…’ Matt.5:23-24 – ‘if remember thy bro. hath ought against thee’ Ja.5:19-20 – ‘convert the sinner…save a soul from death’

  43. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 Reconciliation Principles 3. RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH OTHER Gal.6:1 ‘overtaken in a fault’ Gr.’prolambano’ – ‘overtaken, surprised’ ‘restore’ Gr.’katartizo’ – ‘mend,repair,equip,complete,prepare Matt.4:21 – ‘mending their nets’ I Thess.3:10 – ‘perfect that which is lacking’ Heb.13:21 – ‘Make you perfect in every good work’ I Pet.5:10 – ‘make you perfect’ MENDING BROKEN PEOPLE RESTORING THEM TO USEFULNESS!

  44. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 Reconciliation Principles 4. BE QUICK TO LISTEN Ja.1:19 – ‘swift to hear’ Gr. ‘prompt, ready, quick’ – only occurence Prov.18:13 – ‘He who answers before listening – that is his folly and shame’ Ecc.5:1 – ‘in house of God…be more ready to hear than give the sacrifice of fools’

  45. Between Thee and Him Alone Matt. 18:15 Reconciliation Principles ‘There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts’ Prov.12:18 5. BE SLOW TO SPEAK • Act with Grace – Ja.3:17-18 • Make Charitable Judgements – Ja.4:11-12 • Speak Truth in Love – Eph.4:15, Rom.12:14, I Pet.3:8-9 • Talk from Beside not from Above • Communicate so Clearly that You Cannot be Misunderstood • Plan Your Words – Prov.14:22 ‘…a bro. offended is harder to be won than a strong city’ Prov.18:19

  46. One or Two More Matt. 18:16 ‘two or three witnesses’ A Principle under the Law Deut.19:15,Num.35:30,Deut.17:6,Heb.10:28 Practiced in the Ecclesia II Cor.13:1,I Tim.5:19,Phil.4:2-3 ‘every word may be established’ Gr. – ‘to be made to stand’

  47. Tell it to the Ecclesia Matt. 18:17 ‘neglect to hear’ Gr. ‘parakouo’ – only time word is used Strgs – ‘to mishear, disobey’ Thayers – ‘to hear aside ie casually, carelessly’ ‘be unwilling to hear ie neglect, pay no heed’ ‘tell it to the ecclesia’ ROLE OF THE ECCLESIA • Holds both parties accountable to God’s Word • Ecclesia’s opinion intended to be binding • Ecclesia speaks with authourity of Christ • (although imperfectly) • As an Ecclesia we are accountable before God • Decisions are Ecclesial not AB’s

  48. Tell it to the Ecclesia Matt. 18:17 Heb.13:17 – guidance --------- accountability I Cor.6:1-8 – ecclesia – arbiter of choice II Cor.2:6-8 – ‘inflicted of many’ I Tim.5:20 – ‘them that sin rebuke before all’ “let him be as a heathen man and a publican” Rom.16:17-18 - AVOID THEM ‘divisions’ – ‘disunion, dissension’ ‘offenses’ – Gr.’skandalon’ – Eng. ‘scandal’ - ‘a trap stick, snare’ Moral I Cor.5:9-13 II Thess. 3:6 Doctrinal I Tim.6:3-5 II Jn.1:10-11 KEY – II Thess.3:14-15

  49. Tell it to the Ecclesia Matt. 18:17 “let him be as a heathen man and a publican” Use of ‘as’ is significant! • God only knows the heart (I Sam.16:7, Rev.2:23) • Ecclesia has no power to decide whether a person is a believer • Ecclesia – resp. to make a functional decision – if a person • behaves like a non-believer he should be • treated as such • Attendance to be encouraged and welcomed with a view • towards restoration (to greatest extent possible) • Intention – cause him to understand not injure or punish KEY – Tit.3:10-11 – Condemned himself!

  50. Tell it to the Ecclesia Matt. 18:17 Non-Believer Status – 3 Purposes Prevents Lord from being dishonoured – Rom.2:23-24 Other believers protected from being led astray - Rom.16:17, I Cor.5:1-7, II Tim.2:15-18 3. Forces someone to realize seriousness of their fault A Learning Process Eph.5:11-13 – ‘reprove’ – Gr. ‘call to account’ I Tim.1:20 – ‘learn’ – Gr. ‘train up a child’ I Cor.5:5 – ‘that the spirit may be saved’

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