What is intimacy?

1. What is intimacy?

2. Intimacy Feelings of mutual closeness; sharing hopes, dreams, ideas, fears, etc… Also, maintaining a close bond through privileged communication , intellectual sharing and through sharing feelings and lastly through closeness by the senses such as touch.

3. How Intimate are they? You meet someone for the first time on your first day at school

4. How intimate are they? You are talking on the bench with a team mate at a game.

5. How intimate are they? You are in the doctor’s office for a check up

6. How intimate are they? Dating for six months

7. Levels of Intimacy Psychologists have identified 5 levels of emotional intimacy we all move through as we get to know someone. They’ve been given several names, but for our purposes, let’s call them Level one through five, with five being the highest, or most intimate level.

8. Level One: Safe Communication The lowest level of communication. We call it safe because it involves the exchange of facts and information. There are no feelings, opinions or personal vulnerability involved, and therefore no risk of rejection. This is the kind of interaction we have with people we don’t know well. It’s the chitchat we share with the clerk at the grocery store or a stranger at a party. People communicating at this level share minimal intimacy. An example of this level would be, “Lousy weather we’re having,” This is great pizza,” My team won last night.”

9. Level Two: Others’ Opinions and Beliefs At level two we start sharing other people’s thoughts, beliefs and opinions. We are beginning to reveal more of ourselves through our associations. We say things like, “My mother always says…” or “One of my favorite authors said…” Such statements test the other person’s reaction to what we’re sharing without offering our own opinions. This is slightly more vulnerable than level one, but because we’re not sharing our own opinions we can distance ourselves from the opinion if we feel threatened by criticism or rejection.

10. Level Three: Personal Opinions and Beliefs We start taking small risks at this level because we begin to share our own thoughts, opinions and beliefs, like when you say to someone “I think…” But like the previous level, if we begin feeling too vulnerable, we can say we’ve switched our opinions or changed our mind in order to avoid conflict or pain.

11. Level Four: My Feelings and Experiences Sharing feelings and experiences is the next level of vulnerability and intimacy. At this level we talk about our joys, pain, and failures; our mistakes in the past, our dreams, and our goals. What we like or don’t like. What makes us who we are.This level is more vulnerable because we can’t change how we feel about something, the details of our past or current experiences. If we sense we may be rejected or criticized all we can do is try to convince others that we’re no longer impacted by our past. We’re no longer that person. We’re different now.

12. Level Five: My Needs, Emotions and Desires Level five is the highest level of intimacy. It is the level where we are known at the deepest core of who we are. Because of that, it is the level that requires the greatest amount of trust. If I can’t trust that you won’t reject me, I’ll never be able to share my deepest self with you. Unlike the other levels, there is no escape at this level. Once I let someone see who I really am, I can no longer convince them otherwise. Communicating at this level means we offer someone the most vulnerable part of ourselves. And the greatest fear is that they could use it against us later. When we share things like, “I’m hurt when you don’t call,” I need to feel respected by you,” or “I want to spend my life with you,” we’re sharing not only our hurts but our desires and needs as well. It’s also the level where we let others see our emotional reaction to things, which if you’re like me, isn’t always a pretty sight. Maybe that’s why we save those for the ones closest to us, like our families.

13. What Level of Intimacy? Ordering a Coke

14. What Level of Intimacy? Talking to your guidance counselor about your future plans

15. What Level of Intimacy? You’re on a weekend spiritual retreat with friends

16. What Level of Intimacy?

17. The Choice for Intimacy In many situations, you and the people you are with will decide what level of intimacy you will share with one another. Intimacy is a ‘mutual decision’ and it requires both risk and responsibility from both or all parties involved. Deep intimacy (Level 5) is a result of a series of choices, over time, made by both or all parties, to continuously risk self exposure to one another.

18. Intimacy on a Sexual level

19. Romantic Intimacy When you fall in LOVE, your outlook on life changes. The wonderful qualities of your partner, can unlock new possibilities in your own personality and bring change to your life for the better. When LOVE binds two people, the intense need for each other can awaken the courage to be totally hones with each other, instead of hiding behind masks and playing games of deception

20. Attraction Intimacy at this level is due to the attraction for one another: • To be drawn to someone • On many levels (SPIES) • Usually based on your desires and needs in a partner

21. Desire Exists at this level of intimacy. • To long for, crave, hunger, or wish for as a response to your own individual needs and values

22. SPIES When you are romantically intimate with someone, you are attracted to and desiring each dimension of the person: S- spiritual P- physical I- intellectual E- emotional S- social

23. Spiritual Intimacy • Accompanies Romantic Intimacy because couples can share in each other’s spiritual growth. • The relationship that each of you has with God challenges and enriches your partner. • The feeling of mutual love allows both of you to discover whether or not God wants your lives to join through marriage. • Do you become ‘1 LIFE’?

24. Sexual Responsibility With marriage, you choose to unite in many forms, sexual being one form. Thus giving you sexual responsibility towards yourself and your partner.

25. I will respect the rights of my partner • I will honor their choices and decisions • I will respect my partner • I will consider their feelings • I will take and share actions necessary for sexual health • I will share decisions and actions regarding birth control • I will never pressure my partner into sex • I will never threaten my partner emotionally through manipulations or punishment

26. Sexual Rights • I will be respected • I will learn about sexuality • I will wait until I am ready • I will choose when to become active sexually • I will choose which sexual activities to experience • I have the right to change my mind at any time • I have the right to say ‘NO’ • I have the right to enjoy sexual activity