Building Common Ground in Interpersonal Relationships

1. 8 Building Common Ground in Interpersonal Relationships

2. Building Common Ground in Interpersonal Relationships • The Value of Conflict • Sources of Conflict • Ways of Handling Conflict • Communicating Responsibly: Building Common Ground

3. Building Common Ground in Interpersonal Relationships • Differences between people can be a source of conflict or personal growth • Conflict is a condition of disharmony and disagreement that exists when people who depend on one another see their needs, beliefs and values, or goals as incompatible (Wilmot and Hocker 2001)

4. The Value of Conflict • Conflict can provide opportunities for growth and change • Establishing Boundaries and Norms • One potential outcome of conflict is the establishment of relationship boundaries, working patterns, and norms • Expressing Feelings • Conflict can be a vehicle for expressing feelings • Identifying Individual Needs • Conflict can help identify individual needs within relationships

5. The Value of Conflict • Conflict can provide opportunities for growth and change (continued) • Balancing Power • Conflict can be a way to balance power within relationships • Building a History of Survival • Having and resolving a disagreement can demonstrate to both members that the relationship can withstand conflict

6. Sources of Conflict • Competing Relationship Needs • Every relationship can evoke dialectical tensions (Baxter 1990; Vanlear 1991), which are ongoing, changing needs that are often opposite or contradictory • Autonomy/Connection—opposing needs for autonomy, the need to retain independence, and connection, the need to be included in a relationship can create tension in a relationship

7. Sources of Conflict • Competing Relationship Needs (continued) • Stability/Change—the tension between the predictable and the novel. We have a need for stability, to feel in control of your environment and establish routines that are safe and conventions. But we also desire change, or novelty and new experiences

8. Sources of Conflict • Competing Relationship Needs (continued) • Expression/Privacy—at times, the need for personal expression is strong, individuals want to be open, candid, and confiding and desire others to be as well. At other time, people want privacy; they are restrained, circumspect, and distant • Dialectical Tensions across Communication Contexts—conflicts can arise when people create social relationships in professional situations and attempt to manage their need for autonomy/connection and expression/privacy

9. Sources of Conflict • Differences in Beliefs and Values • What is Worth Fighting About? • The more long-standing and difficult conflicts occur when people have different values about what constitutes conflict and how conflicts should be managed • Whenever people come from varied backgrounds and see others as having different values, the likelihood and complexity of conflict increase because of different expectations about how conflict should be managed

10. Sources of Conflict • Differences in Beliefs and Values (continued) • High/Low Context • When communication is high context, people expect others to figure out implicit meanings based on the situation or the relationship between communications • Low context communicators expect information to be direct and explicit • Problems can arise when high- and low-context styles come together

11. Sources of Conflict • Incompatible Goals • Conflicts over goals often occur because the people involved are focusing on points of disagreement rather than trying to build a common ground

12. Ways of Handling Conflict • Identifying Your Conflict Management Style • Coercion is forcing the other person, psychologically or physically, to accept your point of view • Persuasion is the attempt to get others to change their point of view • Collaboration refers to the belief that people can work together to resolve issues and are usually open to new ideas

13. Ways of Handling Conflict • Identifying Your Conflict Management Style (continued) • Compromise occurs when members in a relationship give up something in order to achieve an acceptable resolution to the conflict • Accommodation means sacrificing, in whole or in part, one’s own preferences and points of view • Avoidance is the attempt to evade conflict, usually by remaining silent or leaving the situation

14. Ways of Handling Conflict Figure 8-1. Conflict Management Styles

15. Ways of Handling Conflict • Activity

16. Ways of Handling Conflict • PUGGS • Describe the Problem 1. Use “I” language to create a supportive environment 2. Avoid using “You” language which creates a defensive environment *Activity • Achieve Understanding 1. Use perception checks 2. Paraphrase information back to sender 3. Adapt communication to the receiver by relating topic to them or by saying “If you were me…”

17. Ways of Handling Conflict • Identify Goals • Clarify partner’s goals • Clarify your goals • Identify where your goal overlap • Generate Solutions 1. Use the Nominal Brainstorming technique 2. Do not evaluate ideas while brainstorming • Select Solution 1. Determine which solutions help you meet your goals

18. Summary • Conflict can be a way to establish relationship boundaries and norms, express feelings, identify individual needs, balance power, and build a history of survival within relationships • Conflict is a condition of disharmony and disagreement that exists whenever people who depend on one another see their needs, beliefs and values, or goals as incompatible

19. Summary • Individual conflict styles can be characterizes as coercion, persuasion, collaboration, compromise, accommodation, or avoidance • Dialectical tensions can be managed by using PUGSS