Intimate Relationships and Communication

1. Intimate Relationships and Communication

3. Developing Intimate Relationships • To have successful relationships, a positive self-concept and healthy self-esteem help love and respect others • Personal identity must be allowed to develop • The following are other factors learned in early childhood that assist with healthy relationships: • Gender roles • Style of attachment • Formulation of friendships

4. General Gender Differences • Men are more independent – self-reliant (self value associated with achievement) • Women are more interdependent- relational (self value associated with connectiveness to others) • Men are more goal/bottom line focused • Women tend to enjoy the process • Men are more competitive in the need to prove themselves • Women are more cooperative and nurturing

5. Gender Differences, con’t. • Men are more analytical • Women are more intuitive • Men use one brain hemisphere at a time • Women use both hemispheres simultaneously • Men are more linear focused • Women tend to be better at multi-tasking • Men are more action-oriented • Women are more verbal

6. Gender Differences, con’t. • Men use words for conveying facts • Women use words for expressing emotion • Men have a primary need for respect • Women have a primary need for being cherished Reference: Gray, John: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

8. Equality in Relationships • Honesty & Responsibility • Open Communication • Intimacy • Physical Affection • Fairness & Negotiation • Shared Responsibility • Respect • Trust & Support

9. Power & Control in Relationships • Minimization & Blame • Intimidation • Sexual Abuse • Physical Abuse • Threats • Domination • Humiliation • Possessiveness

10. Honesty and Openness Unequal or Premature Commitment Unrealistic Expectations Competitiveness Balancing Time Spent Together and/or Apart Jealousy Challenges in Intimate Relationships

12. Be aware of the importance of support Learn to ask for help from your partner Help your partner the way you would liked to be helped Avoid negativity Make positive attributions Do things for yourself once in a while Keep relationship problems separate from other support issues Strategies for Enhancing Support in Relationships

13. Ending a Relationship • Give the relationship a fair chance before dissolving • Be fair, tactful, honest, and compassionate • If you are the rejected person, give time to resolve anger and pain • Recognize the value of the experience in order to move on towards better times

14. Communication Skills • Non-verbal forms of communication can be just as important as verbal • Three keys for good communication in relationships: • Self-disclosure • Listening • Feedback

15. Choosing a Partner • Most will consider the following: • Geographical area • Similar ethnic and socioeconomic background • Educational level • Lifestyle • Physical attractiveness • Based upon many common characteristics, the shift goes towards basic values such as: • Religion • Political beliefs • Sexual attitudes • Family/children

16. Marriage • 95% of all Americans marry some time in their life • Satisfies several basic needs • Today, marriage is more for personal, emotional reasons • When people enter marriage with such preconceptions, it may be harder for them to appreciate the benefits that it offers

17. Affection Personal affirmation Companionship Sexual fulfillment Emotional growth Setting to raise children Providing for the future Economic provision Tax issues Benefits of Marriage

18. Partners have a realistic expectation about their relationship Each feel good about the personality of the other They communicate well They have effective ways of resolvingconflict They agree on religious/ethical values They have an egalitarian role relationship They have a good balance of individual versus joint interests and leisure activities Predictors of a Happy Marriage

19. Divorce • The true statistic is that historically speaking no more than 41% of marriages end in divorce. • Experts suggest the reflections of the following unfulfilled expectations: • Belief that marriage will ease the need to deal with own faults • Belief that marriage will change faults in your partner • Belief that romance will continue at the same level throughout marriage • Belief that marriage will provide the avenue to continue your personal power • Belief that your partner will be successful in meeting all your needs

20. Successful Families • This is a family that copes successfully with stress and crisis, which involves the following: • Commitment • Appreciation • Communication • Time together • Spiritual wellness • Coping with stress and crisis in positive ways

21. Website Resources • American Association for Marriage & Family: www.aamft.org • Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment www.bettermarriages.org • Family Education Network: www.familyeducation.com • Go Ask Alice: www.goaskalice.columbia.edu • Life Innovations: www.lifeinnovation.com

22. Parents Without Partners: www.parentswithoutparnters.org • Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection: http://counseling.uchicago.edu/vpc • United States Census Bureau: www.census.gov • Whole Family Center: www.wholefamily.com • Yahoo/Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals: http://dir.yahoo.com/society_and _culture/cultures_and_groups

23. Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network – hotline and on-line help with important information & links www.rainn.org