Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and Annoying People

1. Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and Annoying People Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO Culpeper County, Virginia (540) 727-3488 aculpeper@culpepercounty.gov

2. Who is Your Difficult Person?

3. 10.The Jurassic Park T-Rex Dinosaur 9. Co-Working Sniper 8. The Know-It-All 7. The Done-It-All 6. The Time Bomb 5. The “No Problem” Vendor 4. The Indecisive End-User 3. The Secret Agent 2. The Negative Person 1. The Whiner Top 10 Most Difficult People

4. Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target? Task Force Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

5. Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target? T-Rex Whiner Precision Manipulate Know-it-All Negative Person Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Sniper Secret Agent Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Time Bomb Attention & Appreciation Consent Indecisive end-user Center of Attention Seeking Consent No Problem Teammate Done-it-All

6. We Always have Choices • Do nothing and take it on the chin • Wash your hands and walk away • Change your attitude • Change your behavior

7. Difficult Behavior and Your Behavior Your Behavior Difficult Persons Behavior The Random, or Intentional Outcome

8. Dealing with Difficult People We: LearnFrom The PastManageThe PresentVisualize The Future

9. Blame Values Choice Blame = Past Values = Present Choice = Future Control the Tense The Three Core Issues Are: Who authorized the Change Order? Blame Should ethical procurement methods be used? Values Which method of procurement should we use? Choice

10. How Do We Talk with Difficult People? • Logic: Influenced by reasoning of the facts. • Character: Influenced by reputation, and ability to look trustworthy • Emotions: Influenced by registering concern for other peoples emotions.

11. Rules of Engagement We Must Engage Body + Heart + Mind • Action + • Emotion + • Intelligence

12. Disagreement to Collaboration - Unconscious Communications Blending Redirecting

13. We Get What We Project & Expect • Listen to Understand • Speak to be Understood • Tell the Truth

14. We Get What We Project & Expect • You become like the people you hang around. • Always give people the benefit of the doubt. • Appreciate criticism and Say “Thank you”. Don’t argue.

15. Difficult Person Type One: T-Rex Task Force Intent • Get-R-Done • Controlling Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent

16. Blame Values Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Command Respect. Be Strong & Capable What is the T-Rex’sMotivation?

17. Watch your emotion with the T-Rex because in anger you may… • Counter Attack • Attempt to defend, explain, or justify your position • Shut down Your Goal? Command Respect & Be Strong & Capable

18. Action Plan with the T-Rex • Hold your ground • Interrupt the attack • T-Rex has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) • Promote peace with honor

19. What if Your T-Rex is Right, and You are Wrong? • Never say “I’m sorry” • Admit your mistake • State it was a learning experience • Will prevent this from happening again

20. Difficult Person Type Two:The Co-Working Sniper Task Force Intent • Get it Done • Appreciation Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

21. Rude comments Sarcastic humor Bitter voice tone Insecurity Tell-Tell Signs of the Sniper

22. Blame Angry on how events turn out Values Carry grudges with anyone who interferes To undermine Just to get attention Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Bring them out of hiding What is the SnipersMotivation?

23. Action Plan • The facial expression look back • Use questions of intent • Use relevant questions • Look Innocent • Use T-Rex’s strategies if needed

24. The Snipers Options • Back off • Keep going out on the limb until it breaks • Drop out of the tree & attack like a T-Rex

25. Difficult PersonType Three: The Know-It-All Task Force Intent • Get it done their way • Questioning their authority Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

26. Values Choice Our Strategy? Logic & Emotions Our Goal? Get them to think it was their idea Motivation of the Know-It-All

27. First Rule “Lock & Load” It’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove

28. Action Plan • Know the facts • Look and listen like you’re interested • Empathize with their doubts & desires • Present your view indirectly • Turn them into your mentor

29. Difficult Person Type Four: The Done It-All Person Task Force Intent • Get appreciated Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

30. Values Attentive Assertive Like to be a part of the conversation Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Remove their bad ideas Motivation of the Done-It-All

31. Action Plan • Show genuine interest with enthusiasm • Clarify for specifics • Tell it like it is • Give them a break

32. Difficult Person Type Five: The Time Bomb Task Force Intent • Try to get appreciated Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

33. Values Unknown Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Take Control of the Situation and Defuse the Time Bomb When Will The Time Bomb“Go Off?

34. Action Plan • Get their attention • Reduce intensity • Put them in the “Time out” chair • Preventive Maintenance

35. Difficult Person Type Six: The “No Problem” Vendor Intent Task Force • Seek approval Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Getter Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

36. Choice All promises are made for the future Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Get them to do what they say they will do Can do, No Problem

37. Action Plan • Open Communications • Help them learn to plan • Ensure Commitment • Write it down • Confirm deadlines • Strengthen the Relationship

38. Difficult Person Type Seven: The Indecisive Person Intent Task Force • Procrastinate Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

39. Any decision is better than waiting on their indecision

40. Choice Procrastinates May be afraid of the Repercussions Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Help them to learn to think decisively What do you mean it’s not aSole Source?

41. Action Plan • Maintain a Comfort Zone • Clarify Options • Use Decision Making List • Reassure and follow through

42. Difficult Person Type Eight: The Secret Agent Intent Task Force • Get along • Get it right Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

43. Blame Value Choice Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Get them to squeal like a pig The Intent of the Secret Squirrel

44. Action Plan • Plan enough time • Ask open ended questions • Use humor

45. Difficult Person Type Nine: The Negative End-User Intent Task Force • Everyone is wrong • Does not allow for change Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

46. Values Everyone is wrong Choice Does not like change Our Strategy?Emotions Our Goal? Help them solve the problem Motivated to be Negative

47. Action Plan • Go with the flow • Use them as your Risk Manager • Leave the door open • Go for the polarity response • Acknowledge their good intent

48. Difficult Person Type Ten: The Whiner Intent Task Force • To complain • Worry Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

49. Three Types of Whiners • Helpful Whiner • Therapeutic Whiner • Obnoxious Whiner

50. Contributors to their Whining Voice • The weight of the world on their shoulders, which grows heavier as they continue to find and collect problems. • The effort required to whine about it. • Feeling of uselessness since no one offers any useful ideas