INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS (Theories of Attraction & Mate Selection)

1. INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS(Theories of Attraction & Mate Selection) Unit 3 – Chapter 7

2. Victorian Era Courtship • In early Canada, young, middle-class women might invite men to call on them when they were “at home” • A young man would leave his calling card if the young woman was not seeing visitors, in the hope that he would be invited back • Families would make discreet inquiries about the social and economic suitability of the callers

3. Victorian Era Courtship Rituals • Men were required to keep their gloves on and their hat in hand when calling on a lady • Gifts of flowers, candy or books were common • Unless they were engaged, a couple was not allowed to walk arm in arm during daylight hours • Piano duets became popular because it allowed men & women to sit closely • Couples also loved dancing because of the intimacy and closeness • Refusing to dance with a man was improper unless he had behave badly

4. Victorian Era Courtship • A young woman, with her mother as chaperone, might receive several visitors who would understand that they were expected to compete for her affection • Later, as a sign that she had made her choice, the young woman might be left alone with one man

5. Victorian Era Courtship • The young couple would be tucked into bed with a “bundling board” between them so that they could have private conversations without sexual contact • However, it was reported that during the 1700s, about 1/3 of brides were pregnant on their wedding day

6. 20th Century Courtship • In Canada, during the 20th century, courtship evolved into the informal social invention of dating • Young people met at church or community events and went out together to “socials” in groups • By the 1920s, men began to take the initiative by asking women out and by organizing and paying for the activity

7. 20th Century Courtship • Since women could accept or reject the invitations, the choice of activity and the amount of money spent indicated the social and economic resources the men had to offer • In the 1930s, “going steady” meant a couple had an exclusive relationship but were not necessarily discussing marriage

8. 20th Century Courtship • As a result of the consumer society and the growing affluence of young people in the 1950s and 1960s, couples were able to spend money on recreational activities. • Teenagers began dating earlier and it became a common activity during later adolescences

9. 20th Century Courtship • By the 1950s the Western ideal was that dating would lead to falling love and becoming a couple • There was less awareness that it was a process of choosing a suitable marriage partner

10. 21st Century Courtship • Many young couples no longer date in the formalized way of their parents’ generation • People use of expressions such as “hooking up” or “seeing someone” to describe a relationship • This suggests a more casual approach • Some couples consider cohabitation to be part of the mate-selection process, while others feel that cohabitation is an alternative to marriage

11. 21st Century Courtship • There appears to have been a shift from competing to win someone’s affection to being selective about what the other has to offer for the type of relationship desired • Many individuals who are ready to marry find that their field of eligible partners that have not already been rejected may be quite limited

12. 21st Century Courtship • It is becoming more common for individuals to initiate some kind of arrangement and enlist the help of others to find potential partners for them Ex. Matchmakers & online dating

13. 21st Century Courtship

14. 21st Century Courtship

15. 21st Century Courtship

20. Mate Selection & Marital Success • The preference for free-choice marriage in North America suggests that dating experience leads to greater marital success • Bernard Murstein’s Market Experience Perspective suggests that dating was effective because it enabled individuals to learn to relate to another person and to judge character so that they would be able to determine personal qualities they desired in a marriage partner

21. Mate Selection & Marital Success • Bernard Mursteinexplained the relationships among dating, social homogamyand social exchange as a multi-step process • He used the analogy of sifting to suggest that individuals pass their dates through a series of “filters” to screen out unacceptable marriage partners and to select those who are similar to themselves

22. Mate Selection & Marital Success • As the relationship becomes more serious and the individuals get to know each other, the filters become finer until only one person passes through it for readiness to marry

23. Murstein’s Filter Theory

24. Mate Selection & Marital Success • Martin King Whyte tested the hypothesis that dating experiences lead to successful marriages by conducting extensive interviews about dating with couples in Detroit • The results of his study found no correlation between dating experience, length of dating, engagement, degree of premarital sexual activity and marital success

25. Mate Selection & Marital Success • Whyte argues againstMurstein’s Market Experience Perspective • Mate selection is not like buying a car, since you cannot “test drive” various partners at the same time • If you decide on one you tried before, they might have moved on to someone else and not be available

26. Mate Selection & Marital Success • In free-choice mate selection you have to decide “yes” or “no” to one person at a time • More dating experience could increase an individual’s expectations and makes it more difficult for that person to make a choice or to feel satisfied in a relationship

27. Mate Selection & Marital Success • Dating is not an indicator of marital success, but love is • The 2nd conclusion of Whyte’s Detroit study is that being in love when you marry is the best indicator of marital success

28. Activity • Read the section on “Arranged Marriage” in your class text (pg. 213-214) • On your handout, define what “arranged marriage” is and complete a list of pros and cons • Be prepared to discuss your results with the class!