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Developing Intimacy in Relationships

8. Developing Intimacy in Relationships . Relational Dialectics . Seemingly opposing forces that occur in all interpersonal relationships Openness – closedness Autonomy – connection Novelty – predictability . Self-Disclosure.

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Developing Intimacy in Relationships

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  1. 8 Developing Intimacy in Relationships

  2. Relational Dialectics • Seemingly opposing forces that occur in all interpersonal relationships • Openness – closedness • Autonomy – connection • Novelty – predictability

  3. Self-Disclosure • The process of revealing your biographical data, personal experiences, ideas and feelings to someone else

  4. Self-Disclosure Guidelines • Self-disclose the kind of information you want disclosed to you. • Self-disclose intimate information when it represents an acceptable risk. • Continue self-disclosure only when it is reciprocated. • Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually. • Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships.

  5. Privacy • The right of an individual to keep biographical data, personal ideas and feelings secret

  6. Managing Privacy • A conscious decision to avoid disclosure and to withhold information or feelings from a relational partner • Change the subject. • Tell a “white lie.” • Establish a boundary for the topic.

  7. Self-Disclosure Differences • Formal vs. informal cultures • Across cultures • Males vs. Females

  8. Disclosing Feelings • Masking feelings • Displaying feelings • Describing feelings • Identify the behavior that triggered the feeling. • Identify the emotion you are experiencing. • Create an “I” statement. (I feel…) • Verbalize the specific feeling.

  9. Emotions & Vocabulary

  10. Giving Feedback • Describing behavior • Praising positive behaviors • Criticizing negative behaviors

  11. Describing Feelings

  12. Giving Constructive Criticism • Ask permission first • Describe the behavior • Preface with an affirming statement • When appropriate, suggest how the person can change the behavior • Consider how it will affect the relationship

  13. Autonomy vs. Connected • Aggressive behavior • Passive behavior • Assertive behavior

  14. Assertiveness Guidelines • Identify what you are thinking/feeling • Analyze the causes of the feelings • Identify your real preferences or rights • Use describing feelings/behaviors to explain your position politely

  15. Assertiveness

  16. Assertiveness Characteristics • Own your feelings • Avoid confrontational language • Use specific statements directed at the behaviors at hand • Maintain eye contact and a firm body position • Maintain a pleasant tone of voice • Avoid hemming and hawing

  17. Interpersonal Conflict • When the needs or ideas of one person are at odds or in opposition to the needs or ideas of another • Whether conflict hurts or strengthens a relationship depends on how the conflict is managed.

  18. Styles of Managing Conflict • Avoiding • Accommodating • Forcing (competing) • Compromising • Collaboration (problem-solving discussion)

  19. Websites • Relational dialectics http://oak.cats.ohiou.edu/~pc406097/rd.htm • Determining your conflict management style http://webhome.idirect.com/~kehamilt/ipsyconstyle.html

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