Assertiveness Training

1. Assertiveness Training

2. What is an assertive personality? • You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated • Implies that you can express your personal likes and interests • You can talk about yourself without being self-conscious • You can accept compliments comfortably • You can openly disagree with someone • You can ask for clarification • You can say “NO”

3. What about those who don’t show assertive behavior? • People who show relatively little assertive behavior do not believe they have a right to their feelings, beliefs, or opinions. • They reject the idea that they are equal to others • They have difficulty objecting to exploitation or mistreatment • They grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and guidance

4. What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior? • Aggressive – opinions, feelings, and wants are honestly stated, but at the expense of others • Advantage – get what they want • Disadvantage – make enemies and people avoid them • Passive – opinions, feelings, and wants are withheld altogether or expressed indirectly • Advantage – minimizes responsibility for making decisions • Disadvantages – low self-esteem and having to live with others decisions

5. What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior? (cont) • Assertive – opinions, feelings, and wants are clearly stated without violating the rights of others • Advantage – active participation in making decisions, getting what you want without alienating others, emotional and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully exchanging feelings and ideas, and high self-esteem

6. What is your script for change? • Look at your rights, what you want, what you need, and what your feelings are about the situation • Arrange a time and place to discuss your problem that is convenient for you and the other person • Define the problem as specifically as possible’ • Describe your feelings so that the other person has a better understanding of how important the issue is to you • Express your request in one or two easy to understand sentences • Reinforce the other person to give you what you want

7. What if the other person doesn’t get it? • In some cases, positive reinforcement may be ineffective • If the person seems resistant or you’re having trouble motivating them to cooperate • Utilize negative consequences for failure to cooperate • Most effective ones are descriptions of the alternative way you will take care of yourself if your wishes aren’t met • If we can’t leave on time, I’ll have to leave without you. Then you’ll have to drive over later on your own.

8. LADDER script • Look at your rights and goal in the situation • Arrange a time and place to discuss the situation • Define the problem specifically • Describe your feelings using “I” statements • Express your request simply and firmly • Reinforce the other person to give you what you want

9. Is body language important to assertiveness? • Yes, it portrays confidence in what you are saying and doing • Important body language cues: • Maintain direct eye contact • Maintain an erect body posture • Speak clearly, audibly, and firmly • Don’t whine or use an apologetic tone of voice • Make use of gestures and facial expressions for emphasis

10. Is listening important to assertiveness? • Yes, it is just as important for you to hear the other person as for them to hear you • Sometimes you will need to deal with an issue that is important to the other person before they will be able to focus on what you have to say. • This is especially true when what you want conflicts with long unspoken and unmet needs of the listener • Steps to listening assertively • Prepare • Listen and Clarify • Acknowledge

11. Broken record Content-to-process shift Defusing Assertive delay Assertive agreement Clouding Assertive inquiry Laughing it off Accusing gambit The beat-up Delaying gambit Why gambit Self-pity gambit Quibbling Threats Denial Learn how to avoid manipulation